


I'll Do Anything

by starrylitme



Series: Dangan Double Twins [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twins, Attraction, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bullying, Complicated Relationships, First Meetings, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24476491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Hinata Hajime is a reserve course student who'd do anything to get out from his brother's shadow. Komaeda, an elusive classmate of his surrounded by unsavory rumors, may provide an opportunity or two. The thing is that Komaeda's a bit...incomprehensible. In many, many ways. But many of those ways aren't exactly unpleasant.(Double Twins AU where Komaeda Nagito and the Servant are separate characters, just like Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Servant
Series: Dangan Double Twins [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1444726
Comments: 122
Kudos: 260





	1. Meeting the Other Supposedly Normal Twin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's wrong to use this guy before even knowing him, but...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this actually a long time ago but recently finished a continuation of it. Because I used different documents and didn't feel like switching over, I'm just going to post them to Ao3 instead. Because that's the kind of person I am. I've been meaning to add my own proper fic to this AU for like, ever, and I guess at least I have this.
> 
> I have no idea how long it'll be. Truth be told, I'm kinda posting it to see the kind of response it garners. So, um, be kind...and stuff?
> 
> I get most of my ideas from yuri manga these days so like if this resembles any yuri manga, that's probably intentional.

Every morning, it starts the same. He comes to class, long before the bell has rung, and he scrubs his desk clean. The same old ceremony ever since he was picked as the class rep, and the same old graffiti acting as the most sarcastic of greetings and congratulations. Hinata tries not to scowl at the fact that his desk has been carved into, that it now has scars thanks to his perfect brother and all the baggage being the mediocre sibling came with.

**_You’ll never be one of them. Just die._ **

Hinata finishes scrubbing, fists tight and white, blood nearly drawn from the pricks of his nails in his palm. He breathes in, he breathes out. He comforts himself with at least his desk wasn’t that guy’s desk.  See, Hinata Hajime was not the only one who had his desk drawn on daily. But, he might as well have been the only one who mattered, considering how the other guy never showed up. Every day, an empty, marked up desk sat in the middle of the classroom. Every day, marred with the usual insults and death threats along with a few other...nastier remarks.

Hinata had only glanced over it once, and the vulgarity of it made his gut churn. He was tempted to chuck the desk out the window himself. It’s not like anyone else used it. Wasn’t it such an eyesore? It was definitely only a matter of time before that guy dropped out anyway. What did it matter, what did it matter?

_ Well, the class rep needs to manage somewhat, right? _

Grumbling, Hinata goes towards the offending desk. He drags it towards the window. It’s a pretty close distance. He pushes it open, and it’ll only take one drop and one trip to the incinerator before the job is done.

Someone clears their throat. Hinata immediately slips with a yelp, releasing the desk to brace himself on the window. He stares outside briefly, eyes flickering upwards to the main building in the distance before squeezing themselves shut.

“What are you doing with Komaeda-kun’s desk, Hinata-kun?”

“S-Sensei!” he gasped, twisting around. Heart pounding, he met his teacher’s cold stare trepidatiously. “I-I, um…” He threw himself to the ground. “I-I’m sorry! I won’t do it again! P-Please don’t expel me!”

His teacher merely sighed.

“I would have expected better from the Class Rep, of all people. You really are disappointing.”

Hinata tries not to cry as he babbles, “S-Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I was thinking.”

“Then again,” the teacher continued on airily. “It’s not as if Komaeda-kun is ever here to use that desk, is he?”

Hinata bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood. It burns, cold and metallic in his mouth as he remains quiet.

“It’s troublesome. Even those who work for the main course are concerned. Just the other day, Kizakura-san asked about him.” A soft sigh as the teacher places a hand to their cheek. “What to even do about him?”

_ Even the main course. _

Hinata glances meekly at Komaeda’s desk, acknowledging for not the first time how little he knows about the other beyond his surname and being male. His eyes are too watery to read the text, but he does remember, almost painfully, that he has at least heard about how Komaeda had connections to the main course.

Connections like he did. But he doesn’t know exactly how important Komaeda’s sibling was. He didn’t know anything about them.

“Hey, Hinata-kun. How about we make a deal?”

Hinata perked up, snapping to attention.

“E-Eh?”

“It’s clear Komaeda-kun has no interest in listening to a teacher,” they say. “But maybe he’ll be a little more open if it’s a peer reaching out to him.”

“I-I, uh, I don’t know, sensei, I’ve never spoken to him before.”  _ I actually don’t even know what he looks like? I’ve just heard things. And even then, they’re all over the place. Just stupid rumors. _ “But, if I try, you’ll overlook this, right?”

“Truth be told, I can’t really report you,” the teacher sighed. “You’re still needed by the staff to compare to your brother.”

Hinata twitched, the inside of his chest prickling and tightening.

“But maybe I can motivate you.” The teacher met his stare before flashing a smile. “If you can bring Komaeda-kun to class and keep an eye on him, I’ll put in the good word with Kizakura-san.”

“T-The scout?!” His heart nearly leapt into his throat. “Seriously?!”

“Yes, seriously,” was the flat reply. “You never know. Kizakura-san might decide he likes you enough to say something to the headmaster.”

“I-I’ll do it!” Hinata exclaimed with an instant jerked. “T-Thank you so much, sensei! I’ll do everything I can to look after Komaeda!”

The teacher simply laughed.

“I know I can trust you, Class Rep. Now, please put Komaeda-kun’s desk back in place?”

“A-Absolutely!”

* * *

And that’s how he found himself here, shifting from one foot to the other, standing before one of the nicest dorms the reserve course had to offer, usually only for kids whose parents donated a bit of extra. Hinata’s already irritated, more so by the extremely off-putting doodles on the door. He almost wanted to scrub it clean.

_ What kind of person would even draw something like this? Maybe some of the rumors about Komaeda being a cultist weren’t entirely untrue. Ugh. _

Hinata stifled a groan, covering his mouth.

_ But if I reach out to him, if I do well enough that Kizakura-san takes notice of me...it’s a long shot but I’ll do anything to get into the main course. _

His teeth gritted.

_ And I’ll do fucking anything to get further away from my brother’s shadow. _

So with all that in mind, Hinata inhaled. Exhaled. He then pressed the doorbell, and listened to it buzz. His heart was thumping, painful and uncomfortable with his chest tightening. He tried to breathe. In, out, in, out.

“Coming!” comes from beyond the door and it’s much softer than Hinata expected. He’d dare even call it pleasant-sounding.

When the door creaked open, he was left speechless at the sight. Komaeda blinked up at him with large gray-green eyes. He brushes back some of the ivory fringe, and Hinata found himself distracted by enchantingly long, swan-white lashes and parted pink lips.

_ C-Can someone this pretty really be a guy?! _

“Oh.” Komaeda opened the door a little further, and Hinata straightened himself up. “You’re Hinata-kun, right?”

“I-I...How?? Did you know my name?!”

“Well, I did hear they picked a new class representative,” Komaeda informed him with a smile so cheerful that it made Hinata’s knees weak. “And I heard it was you. Also, you have a hairstyle hard to forget.”

_ I-I don’t remember seeing you at all?! What the hell?! Was I too busy moping to notice?!?! _

“S-Sorry,” Hinata stammered. “Um, yeah. That’s me. It’s...nice to meet you, Komaeda?”

“I see my reputation precedes me as well,” Komaeda laughs. “Why don’t you come inside? I’ll make us some tea.”

“Oh, uh, sure, tha...aaaaa…” Vocally and mentally, Hinata sputtered to a stop when he realized Komaeda wasn’t even wearing pants. He blinked, and quickly shook his head. “A-Ahaha, right, uh, you’re here by yourself after all.”

Komaeda gave him a look, but Hinata already had his flustered face turned away as he stepped inside. In fact, he did everything he could to not look at Komaeda with his striped, long-sleeved shirt and bare, padding feet. Instead, Hinata made a beeline for the table and sat down, focusing instead on Komaeda’s bookshelf adorned with multiple knickknacks and what looked like various pictures of himself...and another person that looked like him.

_ So Komaeda’s sibling is a twin, too? _

“What kind of tea would you like?” Komaeda called out. “Jasmine? Blackberry?”

“J-Just green is fine.”

Another chipper laugh. “How basic! Okay!”

Hinata glanced over, noticed that Komaeda’s shirt was almost long enough to cover his rump but not enough to obscure slivers of brown checkered boxer shorts underneath, and he looked away again, coughing indiscreetly into his hand.

“Anyway, what’s the occasion, class rep?” Komaeda goes to ask without a care. Completely at ease in his own home. “Are you actually worried about your wayward classmates? I’m hardly the worst off with how miserable that environment is.” Komaeda tutted softly. “It’s so suffocating in its dreariness. Just thinking about it is depressing.”

“Is that why you don’t come to class?” Hinata asked, fidgeting as he did. “That doesn’t really fix anything. Um. It’s not so bad.”

Komaeda snorted. “You sound like you’re being forced to say that at gunpoint! It’s fine! Nothing gets past these walls unless you want it to. Feel free to just let it all loose.”

Hinata said nothing. He heard Komaeda pouring the water, humming as he prepared the tea. He also heard ticking from the antique clock Komaeda had set up on one of the tables.

“You’re so devoted to the class rep role,” Komaeda remarked. “How admirable. But it really is okay, Hinata-kun. I won’t judge.”

“I really do think you should just come to class,” Hinata replied stiffly. “I don’t think just staying holed up in your dorm is healthy. With that kind of attitude, why even come to Hope’s Peak at all?”

“Why, indeed,” Komaeda mused, almost as if he wasn’t sure himself. Hinata’s gaze did flicker back towards him, but this time he noticed something a bit more significant. That Komaeda had his head pressed against a mitted, awkwardly curled hand. Komaeda noticed this staring and waved it at him cheerfully. “It’s a prosthetic. I lost it in an accident, ehe.”

“S-Sorry,” Hinata quickly muttered. “Even though we’re classmates, I’ve stared too much.”

“I don’t mind,” Komaeda hums. “Are you interested in me, then?”

“A...A little.” Hinata’s gaze turned downcast. “You’re someone I can’t help but be curious about.”

“Curious? Whatever about?”

“T-Things,” Hinata grumbled, cheeks burning. “Y’know, just...things…”

“Things, I see,” Komaeda agreed with a sage nod before he began pouring out the tea. “I must say, you’re quite the brand of awkward charm, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata’s head lowered more, ducking. “Sorry about being awkward.”

“I just said it was charming,” was the reply as Komaeda set out the cups and the teapot on the table. Because of his one hand, it must have been inconvenient, so Hinata hurriedly stood up.

“L-Let me help.”

Komaeda waved him off.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

“I insist,” Hinata pressed. “Please?”

Komaeda blinked at him before those lips curled into a slightly different smile than before. Hinata couldn’t read it at all. Komaeda stepped back, so Hinata helped pour out the tea. He spills it a little, hissing at the result, but Komaeda thankfully has a handkerchief nearby to clean up.

“I swear I’m not always this awkward,” Hinata griped, face feeling hot enough to steam. “I’m a lot cooler than this.”

“I believe you,” Komaeda giggles. “As the class rep, you must be very, very cool.”

_ Right, I can’t believe I’m getting distracted here. Ugh, who am I kidding? _

“A-Anyway!” he exclaimed, wringing his hands so that they’d stop shaking. If only his heart could be calmed by that easy smile on Komaeda’s face. “I did, um, come here to...to say you should probably come to class, uh...eventually...sometime.”

_ Even though I’m here with lofty goals and maybe pipe dreams, the longer I’m here, the more I feel...exhausted. _

Sighing, Hinata sips tea.

“I can’t force you, of course,” he muttered. “It’s because people worry about you.”

“Oh, please,” Komaeda laughed, waving off the very idea. “I’m not the kind of person that people worry about.”

_ He says that so easily. If it were me, there’d be at least some resentment involved. But Komaeda continues smiling without a care and in that moment--I wished I could be more like him. _

So, Hinata began to slouch.

“I guess you have your reasons. It’s really not my business to pry into that.” Hinata managed a dry smile. “The tea is delicious. Thanks.”

Komaeda brightened.

“You’re here because the teacher bullied you into it, aren’t you?”

“I-I! I wouldn’t say...bullied…” Hinata swallowed down more of his tea and the burn did little to alleviate the swelling in his gut. “B-But, uh, yeah, that...that was why.”

“You poor thing!” Komaeda exclaimed, feigning concern and pity. “I’m sorry that my misconduct has gotten you involved! Our poor, innocent class rep!”

“Hey, I’m not that innocent,” Hinata bit back. “My motivations were pretty selfish, actually.”

And admitting that made my shoulders feel a lot lighter.

“Selfish? Our class rep?”

“Yeah, I’m really selfish,” Hinata agreed, relaxing more and more. “And conceited.”

Komaeda settles beside him.

“A lot of times,” Hinata found himself going on. “I just don’t even want to think. I would prefer to settle down and sleep.”

“I don’t know about settling,” Komaeda said. “But I don’t mind sleeping with you.”

_ A nap would be fantastic, wouldn’t it? _

“Aha, that actually sounds pretty alright.” Hinata chuckled softly. “Do you mind if it’s just right here?”

“Not at all.”

“Heheh. Thanks.” Hinata’s eyes fell shut. “You’re not such a bad guy, Komaeda.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Oh.” Komaeda gently takes the teacup from him and sets it aside. “Let’s get this out of the way. I’m fond of this set, after all.”

Hinata hums along and the couch really does feel plush and comfortable, even with Komaeda’s shifting. He felt the warm press of Komaeda into his side, and then, more shifting.

“Y’know.” Komaeda’s voice is strangely airy now. “I don’t usually do this on the first meeting. I do typically prefer making arrangements, but I’ll make an exception for someone as cool as you.”

_ I don’t really understand, but I guess I’m flattered? _

“Hinata-kun, was it?”

Delicate fingertips brush against his cheek. Hinata does flinch at that, eyes flying open in surprise.

“W-Wuh, huh?”

Komaeda was gazing deeply into his soul, and where--where did his shirt go?

_ I-I guess he just sleeps naked? That’s normal, right?  _ Hinata ogling those bare shoulders and collarbone was probably less so. Flushing, Hinata squeezed his eyes back shut.

“I-It’s no big deal.” He almost squeaks. “I-It, um, it’s normal, right?”

“Normal, right,” Komaeda agrees in that simple, easy tone of voice. It could actually be calming if Hinata could hear it over his pounding heart. “Completely normal.”

And then, Hinata heard the unbuckling of his belt.

_ I-Is he saying I should get naked to sleep, too?! T-That’s less normal! _

“You don’t have to go that far!” he exclaimed, now sitting up and red-faced. “J-Just in my uniform is fine!”

“Oh?” Komaeda’s head tilted curiously. “Just that?” A pause. Komaeda looked him up and down in a way that caused him to squirm. “Um. Hey, Hinata-kun...are you really okay?”

“I’m taken aback,” Hinata admitted, almost weakly. “I get you don’t spend a lot of time around people, but, uh, I’d undress myself if I had to.”

“Sorry.” Komaeda waved his hands. One was still covered in a mitten. “You seemed like you’d be content to let me do all the work.”

“Work? For what?”

Komaeda blinked. Hinata stared back. In that long, stretched out moment of awkward silence, Hinata wondered if he missed something crucial. And then, in a stroke of inspiration, he remembered certain vulgar insults scribbled on Komaeda’s desk.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

**_Oh my fucking god._ **

Komaeda covered his mouth.

“Oh, my,” the other murmured, like he couldn’t believe it either. “Hinata-kun, you realized something just now, didn’t you?”

Hinata was frozen and may or may not have wished to be struck down by lightning in that very moment. Especially when Komaeda’s slender shoulders started trembling with laughter.

“N...no, no! Aha! Bwahaha…! I’m not--I’m not making fun of you, I swear! There, there must have been a miscommunication, pffff.” Komaeda looks away even as he can’t help his giggles. “I shouldn’t have been so forward when we just met, too.”

“F-Forward?” Hinata croaked. “Like, um, straight?”

“You don’t have any intention of having sex with me, do you? Hinata-kun?”

And just like that, it was as if space had warped and time was bendable. Hinata surely traveled through various dimensions in seconds, and yet, Komaeda pulled away. He knelt by the couch to grab his shirt. And it was the sight of his back, pale with a protruding spine leading down to a shapely curve, that snapped Hinata out of it.

“U-Um! Um!” On impulse, he pulled off his blazer and wrapped it around Komaeda’s shoulders. “S-Sorry! Yeah, there--there was a total miscommunication.” He patted those shoulders weakly, forcing a laugh as he did. “I-I’m, I’m just, I’m gonna go. Thanks for the tea. It was great. Bye.”

He definitely bumped the table on his scramble to flee like a terrified rabbit. He didn’t feel the pain nor did he hear Komaeda say anything else as he slammed the door behind him and ran the entire way back to his own dorm.

At the end of all that, Hinata was left panting and exhausted to the point of near puking, a sweaty mess who needed a shower for more reasons than once, and oh fucking god, he somehow lost a shoe at some point. Great. Just great.

Hinata fell to the floor of his dorm room, groaned, and he didn’t move for a long, long time.

_ That...was my first sexual encounter. If it even counted. Did it count? _

He certainly saw someone in a fairly naked state, but it was a guy. Komaeda was a guy and that happened.

_ I’m supposed to be normal! That shit shouldn’t happen to normal people! _

And  **_yet_ ** .

“It’s not like he was a bad person,” Hinata muttered to the floor, as if that’d sway it from swallowing up him and his shame. “He misunderstood. I’m just an idiot. Komaeda’s weird in other ways, but he’s not a bad person. He agreed that I was cool. And…”

_ It’s been so long since I was in the company I felt I could actually relax with. Well, I guess that was nice as it lasted. _

“Urgh, why me…?”

The floor gave no answers and the ceiling, as always, just looked down on him the way Izuru would. Hinata wanted to cry, at least a little.

_ “Poor thing,” _ he heard Komaeda coo in his head, and in that moment, all he could do was just scream and scream and scream. And not, of course, in  _ that _ way.

* * *

For all his efforts, Hinata barely got any sleep at all. He still dragged himself to class because the longer he stared at his own tea kettle, the more he wanted to die. His throat was still sore, and he slumped against the entryway to his class with a groan. Just routine, at this point.

Although his desk was still clean. Lucky him.

_ And Komaeda’s is a blight as always. Huh. _

He had thought he couldn’t get sicker at the sight of that desk. Now that he had formally met Komaeda with his easy smile and waving hands, he felt almost violently ill upon reading the graffiti. Some of these were words he didn’t even know, but just the lines were aggressive enough to come across as hateful.

Grimacing, Hinata began to scrub it clean.

_ He’s weird, but this just isn’t okay. He’s not a bad person. He said people don’t worry about him with a smile on his face. _

“Am I to take this as a good sign?”

Hinata does jump a little at his teacher’s sudden entrance, but he continues scrubbing off Komaeda’s desk.

“I, uh, I don’t actually know if he will...return, sensei.”

“No?” The teacher frowned. “I just saw him this morning. He said you left something in his dorm, so he was coming to class to return it to you. I assumed you were scrubbing his desk to welcome him. I had thought of it as a clever plan, Hinata-kun.”

_ A clever what? Oh right, my blazer. W-Wait, yeah, I did leave my blazer behind! Shit! _

“I, uh.” Hinata swallowed. “U-Um.”

“No need to be so modest, Hinata-kun,” his teacher replied amicably. “I knew I could trust you. I will definitely report this to Kizakura-san, but I have business right now.” With a wave, they wished him off. “I’ll see you again when class starts. Good luck.”

It’s kind of infuriating how easily they walk away, when Hinata’s so exasperated. But cleaning calms him down, and even though it’s a total hassle, he is pleasantly surprised that he managed to remove most of the graffiti on Komaeda’s desk. The gum accumulated on the underside would be another story. Gross.

“But, it’s looking pretty alright,” he says, content with his work. “It’s even good enough for someone to use.”

“I would’ve thought someone had tossed that out the window a long time ago.”

Hinata yelped like a startled dog.

“K-Komaeda!” He pauses, taking in Komaeda peering into the classroom, dressed in the reserve uniform with...what looked to be a collar? What? God, this guy really was weird. And yet, always smiling without a care, Komaeda waves so easily.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Hinata managed intelligently as Komaeda walked forward. “You, you could’ve just...stuck my blazer in the lost and found. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal.”

“I wanted to see you, that’s why,” Komaeda answered, handing him the blazer in question. “I also washed and mended it.”

“Oh, thanks.” When he slipped the blazer back on, he picked up on the fragrance of flowers and swallowed back saliva. “U-Um, why...did you want to see me?”

“Because I’m definitely smitten with you, Hinata-kun!”

Hinata blinked. He waited for the punchline. Komaeda remained as serene as always.

“Smitten!” he repeated. “Infatuated! In love! However you’d prefer to put it! So I just had to see you!”

_ It’s not real,  _ Hinata could only tell himself.  _ It’s not real. This isn’t real. I’m a normal guy. This doesn’t happen to normal guys. _

“Ah, I guess I should introduce myself properly, better late than never,” Komaeda added before beaming up at him, so radiant it was blinding. “Komaeda Meshi. Please take care of me, class rep. You don’t have to return my feelings, but please accept them.”

“I.” Now he can’t think at all. “Okay.”

Komaeda lit up, and it really was quite the sight.

_ I’m normal. This shouldn’t be happening. _

“This is my desk, right?”

“Y-Yeah. It is. Um. It’s clean now, so...you can use it.”

“Uwah, so kind! Oh no, now I like you even more!”

_ This isn’t normal. But, but...Komaeda’s looking at me...as if I’m special. _

And he couldn’t deny that was something he could  _ easily _ get addicted to.


	2. Struck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's nice to be wanted, regardless of who it is. But it's hard to accept it when he's so used to being overshadowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update is not going to be this fast but I posted this quickly anyway because I felt like it. The fic seems to be having good feedback thus far, which makes me happy. I need to work on my other long-fics, although I have no idea how long this will be. I don't even know where to end it. Ehhhhhhh.
> 
> Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
> 
> Um. Please comment if you can because it means a lot.

Ever since they were kids, it was clear there was a gulf of difference between him and his twin brother. Family photos usually depicted him with a smile whereas Izuru always had that same, impassive face. While directly socializing was easier for him, Izuru managed to get flocking crowds by showing off his skills.

Art, sports, singing, even reading—Izuru was the focus of admiring eyes from peers and teachers alike. At some point, being able to banter and laugh just wasn’t enough to keep others from overlooking him in favor of Izuru. Always Izuru. Bright, shining, dull-faced Izuru.

He’d be interrogated about Izuru.

He’d be asked if Izuru could tag along.

He’d be given love letters meant for Izuru.

He’d have to listen. Hour by hour. Day after day. About Izuru, Izuru, Izuru. His accomplishments, his talents, his everything. The fact that his brother could do damn near fucking everything perfectly and make it look easy.

It’s not surprising at all that even Hope’s Peak Academy, his goddamn dream school, wanted Izuru, too. He was only invited as a courtesy. A fucking courtesy.

And even then, only as a reserve. Only to be grouped in with the rest of the talentless lot with the same hopeless pipe dreams of being one of the elite. One more speck of dust to be blinked out in the world’s gaze.

Dreaming, day after day. Hour by hour. Each mediocre moment never anything more. A dull drivel of a routine that would never change—until today.

Hinata Hajime is not so naïve as to think his distressingly average life would be turned upside down by such a simple change. But.

“Good morning, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda greets. He’s scrubbing his desk but wearing a cheerful smile all the same. “How was your night?”

It was at least the start of something.

_It’s something—as long as Komaeda Meshi keeps coming to class. How long is that supposed to last? I know he said he liked me, but... It’s not like crushes never fizzle..._

“So-so,” Hinata replies, stepping forward, feeling his face flush all the same at the thought. That someone liked him. _Liked_ him. “Argh, did your desk get marked up again? I can help...”

“It’s not too bad,” Komaeda says, waving that prosthetic hand at him. “Truth be told, I’m just killing time until I see you. You’re pretty much the only one who comes to class early. As expected of our dutiful class rep!”

“I... Not really.” Truth be told, it’s just because he likes the silence and isolation. When he’s by himself, he can admire the main building in the window all he wants. There’s no one to talk to. No one to resent or judge him. But, as incomprehensible as Komaeda’s feelings are—they’re not resentment or judgement. So, he’s fine to be around. But for how much longer? “No one’s been giving you trouble, right?”

He scans Komaeda’s still smiling face and tries not to linger on the collar around his neck. He doesn’t see any bruises, and even if he’s dense, he’s sure he’d be able to catch any if they were there. Because—of how pale of Komaeda was.

It’s a good thing Komaeda looks pristine. That’s—that’s a good thing.

_C-Calm down, he’s still a guy!_

“You’re not feeling feverish, are you, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks, in a silky voice that is really fucking unfair for a guy to use on another guy. Hinata tries not to tremble, but he can hear his own heart hammering. “Your face is red.”

“I-It’s just the heat,” he mutters lamely, rubbing at his nape. “Um. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

“It’d be a problem if our ever dutiful class rep ended up incapacitated, right?” That smile isn’t fair, either. “You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.”

_Haaah. I feel like this guy’s kinda dangerous for my heart but it’s just so nice to be fretted over. That’s—pretty selfish, huh? But also, Komaeda says he likes me...and I’ve yet to respond._

**_But what am I supposed to say?_ **

“Y-You...too.”

_I’ve never even had a girl confess to me, much less a guy. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand any of this._

“Y-You need to take care of yourself, too.” He’s mumbling pretty pitifully under his breath, not even able to look Komaeda in the face. “I-I mean, it—it’s important, right? To, um, be careful. All that. Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Komaeda echoed, lightly and warmly. Hinata’s cheeks practically inflamed. “Thank you, Hinata-kun. I’ll be fine. Honestly, words don’t really bother me all that much.”

“Y-You can still, uh, talk to me—if you want—if you need an ear to listen, I-I mean,” he stammered. “I’m uh, the Class Rep, right? Although I don’t think I’ll be all that convincing...”

_I don’t really want to get into any trouble, either, but it’s still basic decency to say something like this. Especially when Komaeda’s being so nice. Especially when the reason we’re talking—is self-serving._

He was really staking so much on this guy who smiled without a care, was still scrubbing his desk, who he made an absolute fool of himself in front of and has not said one judgmental thing about it. This guy had his bizarre quirks, but as far as Hinata was concerned, he was a saint.

_Although—yeah he’s weird. Really, really weird. He tried to sleep with me. I—that’s weird, even if it was just a misunderstanding._

**_Still—that’s really, really weird!_ **

“Hinata-kun, you’re so nice,” Komaeda was saying. “But maybe you should go get yourself a drink. You look like you’re in danger of overheating.”

“Yeah.” Hinata could only nod robotically. “Probably.”

He nearly knocks several desks over in his consequential fleeing.

* * *

Komaeda’s a nice guy. Absurdly nice and patient—but the fact that he was gay was something Hinata couldn’t just—act like it didn’t affect him. They almost did _it_. God.

_I-I still have a hard time admitting that some guys can be cute and he just—went straight to stripping and unbuckling my pants when we just met! That’s weird! That’s so weird! But also—what if I hadn’t stopped him?_

He’s heard stuff about people like that. But Komaeda, forwardness aside, hadn’t been like _that_. He stopped as soon as Hinata complained and had just been—confused. He had just been confused, and he probably had every right to think Hinata was stupid and not worth the time—two things Hinata has known about himself his whole fucking life—and yet. Komaeda seemed to like him.

_I’m...not the kind of person that people tend to like. At least not like that. That’s always been Izuru. Only Izuru. I get told to pass on confessions. I don’t receive them. And even if it’s a guy... It’s flattering to hear._

It didn’t hurt that Komaeda Meshi was cute. Really cute. Absurdly cute. Good-natured. Sweet. He had admitted some of his worst traits to the guy and had gotten nothing but reassurance and acceptance. Someone like that was too good to be true.

_He might just be acting that way to take advantage of you,_ a part of him pointed out, dark and ugly. _Think about it. It’s too good to be true. Which usually means it isn’t. Maybe he knows about Izuru. Maybe he’s using you to get to Izuru. He knows your name already, and why would that catch his attention **unless he knew about Izuru**?_

Hinata’s fingers tighten on the sink. When his gaze raises, he sees a truly unpleasant face reflected back in him and he can already see Izuru’s suffocating shadow looming over him.

“That’s just an assumption,” he murmured to that shadow, ever coldly. “He might not be like that.”

_Of course, he could be...like that. But god, I hope not. Please, no. Just let me have one person like that in my life._

**_Please._ **

Hinata scrubbed his face thoroughly so that no one would be able to tell he had started idiotically crying at some point.

* * *

The rest of the class was full of mutters. When there weren’t low curses and sneers, the words strung together that Hinata did catch—

“Is that who I think it is?”

“Wow. He still goes here? I could’ve sworn he joined his brother.”

“To what do we owe the honor?”

“Urgh. Just looking at him pisses me off.”

“He’s just smiling like a fucking creep. Stay away from him for your dick’s sake.”

“Urgh and just when I thought this place couldn’t get worse...”

It made his stomach curl, especially when Komaeda was remarkably good at acting like it didn’t affect him. To Komaeda’s credit, when he said words didn’t bother him—that wasn’t a hollow claim. Hinata admired that. He can’t deny this aspect of Komaeda’s personality was quite the draw.

The teacher does regard Komaeda every now and then, satisfied with his presence if nothing else. Hinata supposed he should be a little proud of himself—but if any of the other classmates knew, he’d probably get chucked out the window with his desk. Or have the shit kicked out of him, if some of the truly nasty glares Komaeda was getting from some of the guys was any indication.

_But anything that gets me closer to Hope’s Peak is worth it. Yeah._

He just wishes he could convince himself to take all of this as lightly as Komaeda was. Maybe Komaeda had a secret. Hopefully it wasn’t like—drugs or something.

He looks pretty lucid if indifferent.

Actually, Komaeda looked every bit as bored as Hinata usually felt. The only difference was that rather than distract himself with Hope’s Peak in the window, Komaeda was just spacing out. Maybe fantasizing. About dudes. Or something.

**_Or Izuru._ **

_It could be some other celebrity! I don’t even know if he knows Izuru!_

**_But who doesn’t know Izuru?_ **

Hinata wants to scream. He bits his tongue hard enough that he tastes blood. He still wants to claw his skin off for good measure, especially when it’s so itchy under this stupid fucking uniform.

_He has a brother._

His one remnant of logic came in to save the day.

_Komaeda has a twin brother. Isn’t he like Izuru? You don’t know. Talk to him about it. See if—see if he does, in fact, know anything about Izuru. Rather than freaking yourself out over nothing, investigate._

That sounded like a plan. He just—needed to be careful and make sure they were alone, first. He didn’t want outside factors to become more of a problem than they already were.

Somehow, Komaeda does notice his staring. Hinata freezes. It’s a brief moment, it only lasts a scant heartbeat, but he could have sworn—that Komaeda’s gaze had softened before he looked away. He doubts that anyone else would’ve noticed. And that bit of eye contact felt—intimate.

**_Almost as intimate as his hands on your belt?_ **

Hinata’s chest swelled.

_Almost._

* * *

The reserve course is ran like a normal school, only with a slightly more despairing atmosphere than usual. They had core classes, and they had gym. Hinata had been a little intimidated by the idea of Komaeda in skimpy gym clothes— _even though you’ve already seen him in his underwear, you fucking **WEIRDO**_ —but Komaeda was able to skip easily.

Something about medical issues.

“Although we all know he’s just going to use that time to fool around,” someone mutters darkly. Hinata pretends to not hear even as the words resound in his skull. “Fucking freak.”

Hinata, later, ends up getting spiked in the face by a ball and has to go to the nurse’s office with a bloodied nose. By sheer coincidence, Komaeda is sitting atop the patient bed—still dressed to full decency in his uniform, and decidedly by himself. The very picture of innocence, especially when his eyebrows rose into his hair.

“Oh, dear. Is it broken?”

The only thing truly broken was his pride. Still, yeah, his nose hurt like hell. He attempted a smile, and it caused his eyes to water. Komaeda snorts, but his eyes are sparkling with amusement, and that has to count for something in this dour world.

The nurse, however, was clearly not being paid enough to care beyond an unimpressed, cursory glance. She gives him an ice pack, directs him to sit down, and then moves on with her life. She doesn’t grumble. She’s stubbornly silent with a stiffness to her shoulders that Hinata didn’t notice when Komaeda was giving him such a smile. Even like this.

He only really cares to notice when the nurse leaves. He only notices because it makes him more nervous, although Komaeda’s warm chuckle fills his ears, oh so inviting.

“You really should be more careful,” Komaeda says, voice honeyed. “It’d be quite unfortunate to mar such a handsome face.”

If not for the ice, his face would’ve gone red. Hinata winces as he presses it closer to cool off regardless.

“I’ll...be more careful.” His heart’s pounding. His face hurts. Komaeda is smiling. He’s already so bad at thinking. “I... Um.”

_He seems sincere. He seems sweet. Look at how he smiles. Does he smile like that for anyone else?_

A flash of red. It may have been blood, or the shadow of Izuru’s stare. Something twists.

“What are you doing here?”

“I get exhausted easily,” Komaeda replied easily. “Did you think I snuck out to mess around? I’m aware of the reputation I have.”

“I-I... I had hoped you wouldn’t...” Hinata can’t help but be honest. “You said you liked me so I’d be...pretty confused if you said that and then...” He trails off, realizing. “Oh. We aren’t even _dating_.”

“Not as far as I know,” Komaeda said. Still with ease. Still smiling. “Do you want to change that, then? I like you, so I certainly would be happy to date you.”

_I don’t understand._

“I don’t understand.” The words burst out. “We just met. You just decided you liked me. Based on—based on what? I can’t imagine what about me would draw you in besides...”

_Besides my brother._

Komaeda hums, so calm while Hinata’s insides are a swirling, stormy miasma. He doesn’t understand. This guy makes an expression like he’s pondering which pastry to pick. And when he glances up to meet Hinata’s gaze, a shudder goes down Hinata’s spine, and for a moment, he wonders.

_Is it just because he’s like **that**? Because he likes guys?_

“You’re really insecure, aren’t you, Hinata-kun?”

“I...” Hinata blinks. He swallows. He still tastes blood. “W-Why do you ask?”

“Relax.” Komaeda shook his head. “It’s not anything bad. I’m just making an observation.”

_I’m insecure. I’m definitely insecure. But. But..._

“You’re weird!” he exclaimed. “You’re really weird! Y-You like guys, you’re open about liking guys, it’s not a secret, and you don’t let everyone else bother you about it. Y-You... You tried to d-do...that with me on our first meeting...and after I made a fool of myself, freaked out, and ran away, y-you—! You said you decided you liked me! After that! That’s so weird so I don’t have any idea what to make of it! I seriously don’t get it! What about me after that fiasco could have possibly interested you enough to...to even _say_ that you...l-l-liked me...?”

He’s reduced to a stuttering, slurring mess, frazzled and so flustered he wants to cry. His eyes are at least swollen. He can’t see Komaeda’s face, but he hears him inhale.

“Oh.” Komaeda exhaled. “I suppose that is rather confusing when looked at it that way. I... Mm... How to put it? I guess it’s just that you’re my type, Hinata-kun?”

_His type? Does he like fuckups?_

**_Would explain why he’s in the reserve course._ **

Hinata hates himself a little more.

_He’s been so nice to me this entire time..._

“S-Sorry... I... I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have said all that.”

“It’s okay,” Komaeda chirps. “It’s definitely not the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Not even in the past hour, ehe. Ah. Um. Please don’t look even more sullen, Hinata-kun. I’m fine. Really. I don’t think badly of you at all. I think you’re very charming.”

“I seriously don’t understand why,” Hinata muttered darkly. “Unless you know who my brother is.”

“Your brother?” When Hinata does face him again, Komaeda is tilting his head with earnest confusion. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“Kamukura Izuru,” Hinata growled. “The Ultimate Hope of the main course. You can’t tell me you didn’t know about him.”

“Oh.” Komaeda’s smile pulled into a straight line. “Yep. I’ve heard of him. That’s right. You two are siblings, aren’t you?”

_What’s with that face?_ Hinata couldn’t understand it, so his own twisted up. Unfortunately it twisted up so much that it caused his nose to sting. “Y-Yeah... Ow. We are, we are.”

Komaeda’s gaze drift, flicker upwards. Hinata tried to follow his line of sight but it didn’t seem purposeful.

_Uh...?_

“Sorry,” Komaeda said, smiling again and waving his hand. There was a different air about him. “I was trying to think about how to put this, um... I hate talent. And I hate the main course. So, your brother has nothing to do with my affinity towards you. I promise.”

Hinata blinked at him. He blinked at him again.

“You hate talent?”

Komaeda nodded.

“You...hate the main course?”

Komaeda nodded again.

“My twin won the lottery,” he explains. “That’s the only reason why I’m here. I wanted to be close to him.” He frowns once more, pensive. “Are you the same? If so, I’m sure your brother is a good...”

“H-He’s not!” Hinata yelped. “He’s really not! H-He’s rude and condescending and creepy and—urgh! He’s always looking down on me, always mocking me, and despite that, everyone else loves him! They can’t get enough of him! Even though I’ve never heard him start a conversation with another person before! He’s...he’s awful...” Having run out of steam, his head hurts. “Urgh... I, um... I don’t...have a good relationship with him...”

“I see. What a shame.” Komaeda’s tone is neutral. “Did your reasoning for joining the reserve course...?”

“That’s...because I admire Hope’s Peak... And because I’ve always wanted to be someone who could stand tall and be proud of who they were...” Everything hurts. His eyes, nose, and head. “I’m surprised to hear you hate this school... You’re so calm about everything else.”

“Cruelty is often simply the result of being alive and suffering,” Komaeda said. “And given our miserable circumstances, I don’t blame our classmates for being cruel. What I can’t really forgive are the main course. They have the world handed to them on a silver platter and how do they act?” He shook his head. “They’re wretched, so blinded by Hope’s Peak and consumed by ego. They sneer at those below even though what sets them apart from others is often inconsequential. While it’s fine to excel at a skill you have, it’s foolish to act like that’s a mark of superiority. A truly well-rounded person is capable in many regards. Many Ultimates lack capability, and they’re coddled rather than challenged. It’s sickening. I can’t possibly see how _that’s_ hope.” He lets out a great sigh. “My darling brother... He disagrees, but that’s just Hope’s Peak Academy’s brainwashing. They’ve not only brainwashed him but the rest of the world, conning it into allowing the exploitation of its resources for them to further feast on an ever increasing excess. Disgusting.”

Hinata could only stare, mouth agape.

“Uh... Wow. A-All that, huh.” _And I thought I resented Izuru more than anything. Komaeda’s hatred—is on a whole new level. C-Could it really be real?_ “B-But your brother...he’s...”

“He’s sweet, perfect, precious, clever, amazing, wonderful, invaluable, adorable, endearing, witty, fluffy-wuffy—he’s my one and only baby-waby brother! An absolute treasure! And—!” Komaeda gave a glare off to the side so fierce that it could’ve wilted a god’s soul. “His classmates are horrid to him. The staff are dismissive towards him. I can’t stand it. Even though he’s happy, I just can’t _stand_ it!” He takes a deep breath, and slumps. “It’s heart-breaking. It’s also heart-breaking to hear that you don’t get along with your own brother, Hinata-kun.”

“I-It’s fine.” Hinata could only shrug it off. “I mean, we...have been like this for a while. I-I... I’m used to it...”

_I’m used to Izuru getting everything, especially the stuff I struggle for. And this guy... He’s really only here for his brother... That’s a major difference, but not as major as him hating Hope’s Peak. I’ve never met a person who hated Hope’s Peak._

“You really hate Hope’s Peak?” he had to ask, just to be sure he heard right.

“I really, really do.” Komaeda doesn’t even hesitate. “I think it’s a stain on humanity and that if it were demolished, the world would be a much better place. Our community is held back by the glorification of talent and it has ruined the very foundation of society itself.”

“I... Okay.” Hinata could only nod. “I see. I, um. Wow. I’ve just never heard that perspective before. I...”

_I always admired Hope’s Peak...but I wonder why? It was probably just because—like this guy already said. I’m insecure. Komaeda Meshi, you’re actually really perceptive._

“I know it’s unpopular,” Komaeda sighs. “And I tend to not voice it because it makes people unhappy. Sorry, Hinata-kun, if I made you unhappy.”

“O-Oh no, no!” Hinata waved his hand furiously. “I-I’m not...! I’m just... I-I’m surprised. So the reason why you like me has nothing to do with Izuru.”

“I never met Kamukura Izuru, and I had no real intention of doing so, so no.” Komaeda shook his head. “I like you for your own merits, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata let that wash over him. “My own merits...”

“Like that you’re funny, for instance.” Komaeda smiled at him again, giggling into his hand. “You’re a bit clumsy, but you’re earnest, too. Hard-working, considerate... That you’re upfront is also a good thing. It makes me feel more at ease around you. I even really like that you’re adorably slow on the uptake sometimes. I like you because of these qualities that are yours and yours alone. It has nothing to do with your relationships.”

“Mine and mine alone...” Somehow, he had turned into an echo. “Nothing to do with...”

_Izuru..._

_Oh. **Wow**._

Hinata’s heart was racing. It still hurt all over, but emotions swelled up like a symphony, fit to burst an entire concert hall.

_Komaeda Meshi is... He’s..._

There, in that tiny nurse’s office, the sunlight filtered through, the flies caught on the window buzzed, and Hinata Hajime couldn’t contain himself after years of years of pent-up resentment, aggravation, and frustration. And now that he’s been given another person’s patience and acceptance, he almost _wants_ to explode.

“I-I...”

_All my life, I just wanted to be special. I wanted to stand out, stand tall, and more importantly, I didn’t want to forever exist suffocated by Izuru’s shadow. I hate it. I hate Izuru for being better than me. I hate myself for inferior. I just wanted to be special, I just want to be special, I just want to be special._

Right now, Komaeda’s eyes are bright and clear. In that moment, Hinata sees his reflection in gray-green, and everything from within those depths is _vibrant_. He can’t even see the dusk of Izuru’s presence. It’s just him. Him, him, him.

And it’s Komaeda, who’s looking at him. Smiling at him. Without a sliver of shadow. Only brightness.

“Komaeda, I...” Hinata swallowed, heart racing. “D-Do you wanna get dinner after school or something?”

When Komaeda lights up even more, Hinata can only think that he’s _blindingly_ radiant. That this can’t be anything other than falling deeply and madly in love. Even though Komaeda’s a guy, even though he’s a _guy_ —

“Yes, of course! I’d love to, Hinata-kun!”

In that moment, Hinata wondered if this was what it was like to _win_.


	3. Rubbing and Bumping Elbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, like, we're friends, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but I finally finished the next chapter! I'm getting somewhat of a clearer idea the more I work on this. I can only hope it remains coherent.
> 
> I'll do my best!

_Is this a date?_

The question is resounding over and over again in his head as Komaeda cheerfully bumps shoulders with him. Komaeda smiles at him, he instinctively smiles back. It’s so easy that it’s weird he’s never smiled like this before. It’s wild how much he missed not having to force it.

_Is this a date? I mean..._

They walk in relatively simple air. He’s pretty sure at least a couple of people are staring. It’s hard not to stare when Komaeda’s so eye-catching, reputation aside. People would stare at Izuru all the time too, with the unique appearance he had. But unlike Izuru, Komaeda would smile at him, and Hinata didn’t feel like anyone else mattered.

_He’s still a guy. I’ve never really..._

“Hinata-kun?” With a quick side-step closer, Komaeda pressed up against him once more. “What’s up? You seem deep in thought.”

Hinata flinched back, self-conscious of his pounding heart and deepening blush.

“A-Ahaha, um, the restaurant should be...” Thankfully, they hadn’t missed the turn. Hinata has gone here enough times that it’s muscle memory, and what a relief that is. “Yep. It’s right there.”

“Oh, how quaint! Actually, I’m fond of that place as well.”

“Y-Yeah?” Hinata stammered. “I-I thought I was about the only person who went. They said they only had like...one other...regular...”

_Was that Komaeda?_

Komaeda is already skipping ahead, and when Hinata follows, he barely registers the bells ringing the door’s pushed open.

“Oh, hey!” the owner greets, waving at them quite happily. Because this isn’t the first time Hinata has shown up injured due to his clumsiness, they don’t even give his bandaged nose a second glance. “Must be a good day if both of you are showing up at the same time!”

“A good day, or maybe fate?” Komaeda pondered as Hinata coughed into his hand. “Ehehe, what are today’s specials?”

The owner lists them off as if Hinata ever ordered anything different in all the times he’d eaten here. Komaeda hums over the choices and he points at his choice. The owner gives Hinata a knowing look, Hinata flustered, and their orders are recorded.

“I really am surprised we both like this place,” Komaeda says when they’re seated. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“It’s a surprise, alright,” was his stiff reply. “I mean... It’s lucky.”

_Luck. Isn’t that his brother’s...?_

Komaeda sipped his drink demurely.

_Is this...a date?_

“What do you want this to be?” Komaeda blinks up at him innocuously. “It’s clear from the look on your face that you’re not sure what any of this is. It can just be us hanging out, nothing special. Oh.” Pressing his fingers to his lips, Komaeda lowered his eyelashes. “It can be more than that. I’ve made my interest in you clear, after all.”

Hinata’s heart jumped, throat dry.

“I-I... Um. I don’t actually know...if I’m attracted to guys...” _Or if I’m just really starved of attention._ “S-Sorry. I’m not sure what to say.”

_As much as I like being liked, I can’t help but be scared. If things go badly, I might lose this person._

“I appreciate your honesty,” Komaeda says, and he looks sincere while doing so. Doesn’t even feign disappointment. Someone like this really was too good to be true. “I don’t mind this, Hinata-kun. I like you enough, after all.”

“I... Thanks.” He couldn’t think of any other way to respond. “Thank you, Komaeda.”

Komaeda giggled, the sound so light that Hinata wished he could throw all of his worries onto it and watch as it float, float, floated away.

“It’s nothing, Hinata-kun.”

_It’s not nothing,_ he couldn’t help but immediately think. His heart was already hammering. _It’s—it’s something, alright._

It didn’t help that when their food arrived, Hinata realized that this was the first meal he had in another person’s company outside of just eating in the classroom. Which had been different, obviously, due to not a single person paying him any mind. He was fine with that. Always had been. But—

_N-Now, I can’t help but think that it was still lonely. When was the last time I ate with a friend again? Oh, god, I don’t remember._

“Scary face,” Komaeda remarked, breaking the chopsticks apart with his teeth. Hinata flinched.

“Ah, I could’ve...done that for you... Sorry.”

Komaeda smiled at him, waving him off with the prosthetic. “I’ve gotten pretty used to doing things one-handed. And this one can move, just not always the best. Sometimes I’d end up snapping them in half.”

“Oh, uh, I see.” Hinata tried not to think about Komaeda using that power for evil before furiously shaking off the thoughts. “Uh...” He really should split his own sticks and eat. The same noodles he always ordered, which always tasted the same, and yet eating was intimidating.

This wasn’t Komaeda’s fault, not when Komaeda busied himself with eating a cooked egg.

“I like this place,” Komaeda said upon swallowing. “It has a nice atmosphere. It’s plain and quaint. I don’t see any Ultimates, although that’s because they scouted the Ultimate Cook this year. He’s in Nagito’s class. From what I’ve heard—quite the _unsavory_ individual.”

Komaeda stops there, but Hinata had a feeling that there was more to say. Considering how passionate Komaeda could be, it was pretty apparent when the other bit his tongue. At least, Hinata thought so.

“You really hate Ultimates, huh...”

Komaeda nodded. He stabbed through the rest of his egg.

“Tremendously.”

“I...” Hinata swirled his noodles anxiously. “I didn’t come here to have you repeat yourself. Sorry. It’s just...”

“Surprising that anyone would feel that way,” Komaeda murmurs, eyes downcast. “I’m quite aware.”

_Fuck, did I ruin the mood?_

“It’s different but, I can’t deny I’m interested.” Flustered, Hinata hurriedly clarified, “In, an, erm, _intellectual_ kind of way.”

Just like that, Komaeda chuckled into his hand.

“You’re so cute, Hinata-kun.”

_I wasn’t trying to be cute but... I’m relieved. He’s smiling again. I feel a lot better when he’s smiling. More at ease despite everything._

Hinata quietly resumes eating, content with the atmosphere.

_He’s really—an incredible guy._

* * *

“We’re splitting the bill, right? My food was more expensive than yours.”

“I-I was the one who invited you, right?”

“Do you want to pay for all of it, Hinata-kun?”

“It wasn’t that much.”

Komaeda still leaves a tip. Hinata leaves a tip as well, not being someone who took getting one-upped easily. Came from years and years suffocating under Izuru. As did most of his shoddier traits.

But Komaeda was still in a good mood, cheerfully wishing the owner well before heading out with Hinata, all warmth and smiles.

“I, uh...” Blushing as Komaeda looked at him with those sparkling eyes, Hinata tried to obscure his stammering with the clearing of his throat. “If it’s—at all alright, with you, I kind of don’t want to part ways quite yet.” He rubbed at his nape. “I don’t know where else to go, uh... I’ve never really...”

“Ah, do you want to go to a hotel?” Komaeda asked, which was—confusing, to say the least.

“What would we go to a hotel for? I wasn’t aware those were for anything other than staying the night.”

Komaeda giggled softly. “It’s nostalgic for me. My parents went on a lot of business trips, you see.”

“Oh, yeah that makes sense...” His parents had been workaholics, too, although he and Izuru were usually left behind. As Izuru grew, however, he’d get taken along to show off to their coworkers and bosses. Another thing to be resentful and insecure about. Speaking of which. “I don’t have much money, so I don’t think a hotel’s doable right now. Sorry, Komaeda. How does the park sound? There’s one not too far from the campus, right?”

“A stroll after a meal is good for the mind and body,” Komaeda said. “Sounds wonderful.”

“I... T-Then we’ll go there.” Hinata swallowed. “Sounds like a plan.”

Komaeda laughed at him again, so sweet and good-natured that it made his heart fumble about in the most awkward way. It really was almost surreal. For a moment, Hinata could fool himself into thinking everything else was as calm and gentle as this. That the world could be kind and soft with people like him.

Being around Komaeda was embarrassing, but it left him feeling warm, too. Maybe this was what friendship was like. Or something.

_Even though—I don’t know if we can be normal friends if Komaeda’s...interested in me. But is that such a bad thing? Normal is what got me in the reserve course. Normal is what got me overlooked and overshadowed. Normal—is just the utter worst thing a person can be in a world that exists to uphold those who are talented._

He wonders what Komaeda would think. He considers what he would think.

_Komaeda Meshi hates talent. He hates that the world exists for the talented. He hates Hope’s Peak. And I—I only approached him in the first place because I wanted to get into the main course. The main course he hates. He was so accepting before, would that change if he knew the extent of everything?_

He didn’t know. He was too much of a coward to ask. He couldn’t even ask himself what he would even tell Komaeda if he did end up accepted into the main course.

_Even though it’s not like I’ll suddenly become talented just because Kizakura-san put in good word for me. Nothing about me has actually changed at all. If I did get in just for this, that would prove how much of a farce Hope’s Peak really is._

The idea was maddening in all sorts of ways. He wasn’t sure whether to be frustrated or just angry. Komaeda bumps his shoulder to his, ever the breath of fresh air and carefree cheer.

_Of course, I knew deep down that I was never getting in. It’s a moot point. Maybe—that’s for the best._

Hinata managed a smile in return, bashful when Komaeda brightened up.

_Here’s someone who likes me, after all._

* * *

That said, the moment was bound to end eventually. Like waking from a dream, Komaeda gives him the sweetest smile.

“I really enjoyed our time together today,” he said. “I think I can happily admire you from afar from now on, Hinata-kun.”

“Afar?” Hinata repeated, making a face. “You can just come up to me whenever, Komaeda.”

Komaeda’s eyes crinkle but that smile of his—it’s mismatched, and Hinata doesn’t understand, even with the next string of words.

“You do know what will happen if you get seen with me, right?” A head tilt. “It’s no good for our honorable class representative to be seen with such a deviant.”

“I...I don’t really care what everyone else thinks, though?” _Why would it matter? We’re all worthless nobodies. I’m more keenly aware of it, so worrying about other things strikes me as pointless._ “Our classmates already give me a hard time over my brother.”

_Who I don’t even like. Komaeda, on the other hand... Even if it’s not like that..._

“I hang out with you because I like you,” he said. “I’d like to continue doing that if it’s alright? I-I mean... Is it uncomfortable to be like that when you...feel a bit...more?”

Komaeda shook his head.

“Aha, no, I would never dream of being ungrateful like that.” Komaeda folded his arms, lips pursing. Pink and full, in spite of how pale and thin the other was. Strange. “Truth be told, this is a bit new for me. Usually, people approach me with...intentions...”

“I’m no different,” Hinata pointed out. “But you accepted that.”

_He really is a kind person. I can’t get enough of it. Maybe that’s selfish, but..._

“It’s new for me, too,” he admitted. “I haven’t had friends for...a while now.”

“Friends?” Komaeda echoed. “Is that what we are, now?”

“I-I meant generally but...if you’re able to be friends with someone you’re attracted to...” _It’s not normal. But that’s okay. Komaeda still likes me. And I like that while hating normalcy anyway._ “Is that alright?”

Unbeknownst to him, clouds gathered overhead. They clumped together in a mass of darkening gray.

“Are you comfortable with it, Hinata-kun?”

“I...” _Comfortable? The alternative is wallowing alone in self-pity._ “Yeah, obviously. Are you?”

Thunder rumbles outside. When Hinata turns, he sees that the rain has already begun to fall.

“I didn’t hear about any storm today. _Weird_.”

“I’d feel bad making you walk back to your dorm in that weather,” Komaeda said, tugging on the back of his shirt. “And to answer your question—I do enjoy your company on its own. So, if it’s really alright...”

“It’s alright.” The words were instant. Instinctive. Because it was either this or being alone. “You _don’t_ mind?”

Komaeda’s answer was a brilliant smile.

* * *

_The storm really did come so suddenly, but it’s a good thing that I was already at Komaeda’s door. If I ended up soaked and stayed over, then... I’d probably have to strip and yeah, yeah, that’s—way too much._

Although Komaeda did apologize profusely because caught in the rain or not, he still needed to take a shower. He insisted Hinata make himself at home or help himself to whatever, but Hinata wasn’t sure if he could fully settle in.

The water was running. Hinata couldn’t help but think about what that entailed.

_I already saw him mostly naked once. That was a misunderstanding._

“A misunderstanding,” he reiterated, biting on his thumb. “So, quit dwelling on it, Hajime.”

He still found himself thinking about it. Komaeda’s pale skin, his thin and lanky limbs, the contours of his ribcage and collarbone— _seriously, cut that out! Who’s attracted to who here?!_

Hinata groaned lowly, throwing an arm over his eyes.

_Whenever I’m with him, it’s like my mind can’t help but go weird places. Is that just the kind of relationship we have? Arghhh._

“But it’s my fault,” he grumbles to himself. “Komaeda hasn’t done anything wrong, even if he misunderstood me.”

_So, settle down. Even if Komaeda’s...what is he, exactly? Argh! Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking!_

He tries to direct his attention elsewhere and ends up looking at the photo of Komaeda and his own twin. Remarkable how similar they looked, honestly. Same pale skin, same gray-green eyes, same messy, silvery hair. He and Kamukura were twins but comparing them was like comparing pigeons and hawks. Or night and day...

_His brother won the lottery so...is he in Izuru’s class, or...?_

He wouldn’t know. He never asked Izuru anything if he could help it, much less what being in the main course was like. Just _seeing_ Izuru with his class made him sick. Hell, thinking about it tied his stomach into knots.

_I don’t want to think about it anymore. Izuru’s the worst. Komaeda’s right to hate talent. What’s so great about it anyway? Even if you can do anything, why should that matter if you’re a shit person?_

He shook his head. He instead stares ahead at the television’s blank screen. Komaeda has a tray of DVDs, but Hinata finds he’s too sheepish to go through them. Thus, he remains seated there. Listening to the water run, wondering if Komaeda was humming along. Wondering if Komaeda scrubbed his skin red the way Hinata tended to.

His jaw flexes, and Hinata feels a tingle in his jaw.

The water is shut off. Hinata tenses. After a while, Komaeda calls out, “Hinata-kun? Would you like to use the shower as well?”

“N-No, I’m fine,” he replies, hands fisting tightly atop his lap. “I’m uh, not the biggest fan of showers anyway and I’d rather not use up too much of your water.”

“I don’t mind,” Komaeda chirps, and he enters the room, still dabbing his face with the sleeve of his bathrobe. He flashes Hinata another brilliant smile. “You’re a guest. Feel free to indulge a bit.”

Hinata’s eyes sweep him, noting how the robe clung to his waist. He noted, too, the sliver of collarbone peeking out.

“It’s fine,” he repeated, swallowing, intimately aware of Komaeda’s lowering lashes and widening smile. Komaeda’s cheeks were pink—must have been a warm shower. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll wash up when I’m back at my own dorm.”

“You weren’t too bored while waiting for me, were you?” Komaeda asks. “Oh, Hinata-kun, I’m sorry. Would you like me to put on a movie? Any requests?”

“A...” He tries not to shiver when Komaeda plops down beside him. He presses into his side. The robe was softer than it looked, and Komaeda’s eyes looked more silver in the light. Hinata tried not to stare at those pink, pursing lips. “Anything’s fine.”

“Anything?” Komaeda’s head tilts. “Well, there are other things we can do.”

_Other things, huh?_

Hinata lets his gaze trail down, from the defined, sharp jawline to the slender neck. He notes that Komaeda smells sweet, vaguely floral. What shampoo did he—?

_Fool me once._

Hinata swallowed.

“You mean like...?”

“Playing a board game!” Komaeda exclaims, brightly. “How good do you think you are at chess?”

_Oh. A board game. Just...a board game..._

“I think I’m okay at it,” he replied. “I-I mean, I did join chess club once in middle school and I was about...in the middle.”

“There’s also go, my darling baby brother and I play it all the time,” Komaeda went on, pulling away. “Let’s see, I keep the go jars stored in the closet...” He gets up, making his way to the closet in question and calling out, “How about we make things interesting? The winner gets a favor.”

“A-A favor?” Hinata croaked, his ears going red.

“Nothing inappropriate!” Komaeda exclaimed back, and Hinata wasn’t sure to be relieved or—no, he was relieved. He was definitely just relieved. “I was thinking along the lines of buying the other a drink. Or, or.” Komaeda finds the two go jars and the board, shutting the door with his hip. Before Hinata could offer to carry anything, Komaeda gave an incredibly devilish smirk. “Prank-calling an old teacher. Exposing embarrassing secrets, like any love letters you wrote.”

“I-I don’t have anything like that...” Although the idea of prank-calling an old teacher—that was at least a little mortifying. Especially since he tried being a teacher’s pet in the past to get some positive attention. What a miserable failure that had been. “I mean, there was this one older girl, but of course she...”

“I liked an older boy, too,” Komaeda chirped, setting up the game. “Of course, he was creeped out by me. Curious, but creeped out.”

“I...” Hinata had no idea what to say to that. “Oh. I see.”

“He was too nice to do anything, so don’t worry.” Komaeda waved his mechanical hand. He pops open the jars. “I’ll be taking the white pieces if you don’t mind. Ehe, they remind me of my Nagito.”

If Hinata thought about it like that, then the black pieces reminded him of Izuru. His expression sours before he quickly shakes his head and puts it out of his mind.

“That’s fine,” he says, but his breath catches at Komaeda’s stare, those bright-gray greens piercing through him. Komaeda, who just smiles at him innocently.

“If you do well, I’ll let you use the white pieces next game. How about that?”

“T-That’s...fine...”

Komaeda giggled.

“But if you lose, then I’ll make you lick your elbow.”

“Haaaah? What kind of—? I could do that right now if you want to see it so bad.”

“Ooh, could you?”

It then turned out he couldn’t, in fact, do that. In spite of his best efforts. And that was how Komaeda Meshi won against him before they even played the actual game.

* * *

Komaeda won the actual game, too, but he still switched the pieces. What an embarrassing guy—a good guy, undoubtedly, but embarrassing.

_I want to make him do at least something. Last game, he made me bump my elbows together which I didn’t understand but—he made a face._

“This time!!” he exclaimed. “This time I’ll win for sure!!”

“Sure.”

Komaeda wasn’t looking at him, but he was smiling and his cheeks were pink. He had been acting weird since the last game.

And because he wasn’t looking, Hinata did win—but it felt weirdly? Unsatisfying?

“What do you want me to do now that you’ve won?” Komaeda asks in that same sweet voice, except it’s more of a mumble to the ground.

_Urgh, how can I be happy with this? Did I do something wrong?_

“I want you to look at me, Komaeda.”

Komaeda does and—the sight is one that is striking in an entirely different way to all the ways before.

He’s _flustered_ , Hinata realizes, so much so that it’s flustering to stare at. The pink isn’t just in his cheeks, it splashes across Komaeda’s fair face from ear to ear like a grin. Those gray-greens look up at him glossily, like flecks of light itself is captured in the irises. Hinata can see himself reflected back and he feels—hot. And _bothered_.

“W-What’s this about?!” he burst out with.

“Ahaha...” Komaeda laughs but he keeps looking at him with that strikingly paralyzing gaze to the point where Hinata feels like he’s been taking captive. “I’m sorry. It’s because I’m so dirty-minded.”

“D...Dirty...?” He’s definitely being held prisoner in some way. Or maybe this is how deer in headlights feel?! “What do you mean...?”

“Well, ah. Mm.” Komaeda covers his mouth, but his gaze doesn’t leave and Hinata can’t escape. “When you pressed your elbows together... Your chest got pushed out.”

The spell wasn’t broken, but Hinata blinked.

“What.”

“Your chest puffed when you did this.” Komaeda demonstrates by bringing his arms down and bumping his elbows together. Hinata stares, and he doesn’t understand, but Komaeda’s blush got even darker. “It doesn’t work with _me_ , my chest isn’t...as big as yours.”

He still has no idea what the hell Komaeda’s talking about.

“Okay, okay,” Komaeda says, wheezing a little. “Um. Imagine it with a girl. Imagine what would happen if a girl—did that.”

Hinata doesn’t really want to, but if he thought about it, didn’t girls have—oh. _Oh_.

“I get it.” Hinata nodded, swallowing. “You—you really are...like that.”

Komaeda smiles, but it’s pained.

“I-I don’t mean it badly!” Hinata hurriedly exclaimed. “T-There’s nothing wrong with looking at guys the way other guys look at girls! I-I mean, I guess you just have that in common with girls rather than guys. T-That’s not that weird, there are tons of girly guys out there...”

“You think I’m girly?”

“T-That...” He had no idea how to answer that, especially with Komaeda looking at him so attentively. “I-I don’t... I guess you’re kind of...”

_I don’t want to finish this sentence..._

“I’m not a girl, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda’s still patient, still smiling—but it’s still pained. “I’m many things, but a girl is definitely not one of them. So, don’t think of me as one even if I’m attracted to men.”

_Because I know I’m definitely saying something wrong._

“I-I know. I know...” He couldn’t possibly look at Komaeda like this. The earlier spell was broken, but what remained was not only frayed but painfully jagged. “It... It’s just...”

_This guy is attracted to me. He doesn’t just like me, he’s **attracted** to me._

“I’m sorry. I’d ask if you wanted to leave but unfortunately, the weather...” Komaeda grimaced. “How about I just leave you alone for a bit?”

“I don’t really want you to leave,” he managed. “I...”

“How do you want me, then?”

_Want you? How am I supposed to answer that? When it comes to people—what have I wanted besides someone who looks at me over Izuru?_

Well. He has that. And he’s now realizing what weight that is in his hands. It’s such a weight—and he’d never forgiven himself if he dropped it. Especially when Komaeda’s been nothing but nice. Especially when Komaeda doesn’t deserve anything less than basic respect.

“I want...” Hinata hesitated, blinking several times. “I... I guess... I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I see.” Komaeda’s voice is lighter than air. Hesitantly, Hinata raises his head and is taken by the way Komaeda gives his usual smile. “I think I want to at least be friends, then, Hinata-kun.”

“Friends...” He couldn’t help but grin back desperately. “We’re friends already. I can keep doing that. Being friends.”

_I can keep Komaeda Meshi as a friend. If he’s like that—he’s used to just being friends more than any other person? Right?_

It’ll be fine.

It’ll be _fine_.


	4. Studying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Observations have been made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want tofu stew with kimchi.

The days went by in relative ease, but before he knew it, exams were coming up. Given the already competitive nature of the reserve course, exam time was much more severe. Hinata could practically sense the bloodlust among his classmates and it made the already dreary classroom downright chilling.

There was a rumor that scoring high enough on exams could open the doors to the main course. Hinata had believed it, had even studied until his nose bled—but he couldn’t even crack the top ten. And those top students—are still his classmates. So it might have just been that. A rumor.

Thinking about it is so distractingly depressing that he gets startled when Komaeda smacks his desk during lunchtime.

“Class Rep. Help me study.”

“W-Why so...?” Hinata does notice people are staring. His cheeks heat. “Um.”

“The teacher said you’d help,” Komaeda said. “I failed my last exam. Well.” He pauses, twirling one of those wild white locks around his finger. “I couldn’t even take it. I was sick. Either way, I need to do well on this one. Supposedly.”

Hinata glances past him to the teacher. The teacher gives him quite the serious look. Even without words, Hinata got the message.

“Sure... Fine.” He swallowed. “We’ll study in...either your place or mine?”

People are staring.

“This is just for the exams,” Hinata found himself saying. “So, don’t try anything funny, Komaeda.”

Komaeda beams at him even as his insides curl.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

_Even though what the others think shouldn’t matter, I still find myself anxious for all kinds of reasons._

“You don’t really think I’ll do anything, right?”

“I-I don’t...!”

_Komaeda Meshi is attracted to me. I only spoke to him in the first place for my own gain, but despite being aware of this, he hasn’t taken advantage of me in return at all._

...

_T-That time he tried to do_ that _with me was just an innocent misunderstanding._

“Sorry,” Komaeda says and he sounds like he means it. “You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

He ended up inviting Komaeda to his place. Homefield advantage, or something like that. He still got really embarrassingly flustered for having the guy in his dorm. His dorm, which was more akin to an apartment, honestly. Specifically his room with the door open so that it didn't feel quite so stuffy in, even if it was still...flustering. Beyond flustering.

“What subjects are you weakest at?” he goes ahead and asks, eager to do his darndest to focus on studying and nothing else. “Let’s start with those.”

Komaeda hummed as he thought it over.

“Handwriting...? I guess?”

_Handwriting?_

“I don’t remember calligraphy being one of the subjects...” Hinata flipped through the study guide. “Do you mean kanji?”

“Yeah, that.” Komaeda laughed, but he sounded rather embarrassed. “See, I’m terrible at making the lines all neat and tidy. When it comes to reciting information, I can manage, but I struggle when it comes to writing it down.”

“We can work on that.” His handwriting wasn’t the best either but it was legible. Hopefully that would be enough. “Let’s practice kanji.”

“Can we try something easier first?” Komaeda asked, sheepish. “For morale’s sake?”

“U-Uh, sure.” _It was usually Izuru who helped people study._ “I guess... You can write your favorite word?”

Komaeda lit up. And in an heartbeat, he scribbled something down. He presented it with beaming flourish.

“Like this?”

Hinata could not understand what the fuck that lettering was supposed to be. It actually looked more like a creature than letters. Komaeda’s spacing needed work for sure.

“Like that,” he said, squinting. “And...this says...?”

“Nagito!” Komaeda chirped. “It’s my precious baby brother! Isn’t his name just the cutest, sweetest, most sublime series of characters?!”

“I-I... I guess.” If he squinted hard enough, he supposed he could see it. Maybe. “Let’s practice with this, then. The way I’m supposed to write your surname is...?”

“Ah, it’s like...lion dogs and tree branches,” Komaeda explained, writing it down. It was, of course, completely illegible. Hinata’s eye twitched so he just wrote down the words themselves.

“Lion dogs—komainu. Tree branches—eda. Right?”

Komaeda nodded, and Hinata wrote his name properly.

“Komaeda. And your brother’s name is Nagito...? So like—a lull?”

“Calm under the dipper,” Komaeda recounted, sighing happily. “That’s the meaning of my baby-waby brother’s perfect little name.”

“I see...” Hinata wrote it down, taking in how Komaeda practically lit up like daybreak. Speaking of which—

“Hinata-kun, you have quite the lovely name too, right? Hinata Hajime—the beginning of sunshine. What a hopeful name!” Komaeda scribbles the characters out, and Hinata blinks. Still completely unrecognizable—the unruly lines look as if they had been caught in a horrific storm. Komaeda giggles at Hinata’s dumbstruck face. “A name like that... Your parents must have wished for such brilliance...”

Hinata dropped his pencil. A response wouldn’t come, suffocated by harsh reality.

His parents _had_ wished for brilliance.

_They got it in Izuru._

Once Izuru showed that brilliance, Hinata Hajime was lost in the shadow.

“Hinata-kun? Is anyone there?”

“Sorry.” He sounded detached, even to his own ears. “I... It’s okay. For a name.”

Komaeda gives him such a worried look. Mercifully, his smile returned with ease.

“I think it’s lovely,” Komaeda repeated, rewriting it. The resulting mess of scribbles was no less chaotic but for whatever reason, it made Hinata emotional. “I really am grateful that you’re here, Hinata-kun.”

Swallowing, he tried not to cry.

“Thanks, Komaeda. Thanks.”

* * *

Despite his best efforts, Komaeda’s writing wasn’t even slightly more legible than when they started. He’s not sure how much progress he expected, but he still feels like a failure. Well, more of a failure than usual.

_Izuru would probably..._

“I’m not asking your brother for help,” Komaeda huffed at him, making him jump.

“A-Ah, sorry. I didn’t realize I was speaking aloud.”

“If I wanted to talk to an Ultimate, I’d just stick to Matsuda-kun,” Komaeda went on, cheeks still puffed. “Even then, his handwriting is...at best, readable. Which I guess is the standard I should aim for.”

_Matsuda? Is that a friend of his brother’s?_

“It’s only going to be a problem for the writing portions,” Hinata said. “Most of the exam is math and multiple choice. And, uh, your numbers aren’t bad.”

_They at least looked kind of like numbers,_ he thought.

Komaeda does look down at the numbers he’s written. His frown deepened, his brow pinching. He attempts to rewrite them, but the attempt is somehow even messier than the last. His hand shook so _much_.

It’s...almost pitiful to look at.

“Hey, uh, we’ve made great progress today.” He’s not sure if he believes himself when he says that, but, quite frankly, he’ll say damn near anything to get Komaeda smiling again. “How about we take a break for now and treat ourselves? Maybe—argh, what kind of food would be good for this weather? Shaved ice, maybe?”

“I’d rather focus on this for now, sorry.” Komaeda waved his mitted prosthetic. “But, if you want to order something, I’ll pay for it. I feel bad taking up so much of your time.”

“N-No, it’s fine,” Hinata hurriedly replied. “I do have some instant stuff here. And drinks. We should at least get some food in our systems.”

Komaeda stares at him, blinking those wide, milky greens at him. Such a unique color... And when the light caught in those long, white lashes when he smiled and laughed...

“You’re right. Such a responsible class representative you are!”

Hinata couldn’t help but get flustered.

“N-Not really.” He carefully stacks their things off to the side. “It’s common sense that you shouldn’t study on an empty stomach.”

“It is,” Komaeda admitted. “But I just forget myself around you.”

“Is that bad?” Hinata straightened up. “Did we overdo it? If you’re having memory problems, that’s not good.”

Komaeda, rather worryingly, inhaled deeply, pressing his hands together.

“All the more reason for a food break,” he said, soft and sweet. Hinata nodded, more urgent when he went to the kitchen.

He feels Komaeda’s eyes on him, and it’s enough to make him shudder. When he does risk a glance back, he’s smacked in the face with the sight of Komaeda tugging at his uniform. Almost like he wants it _off_...

And to make matters worse, Komaeda does notice his slack jawed staring.

“Do you mind if I undress a little?” he asked, so very _innocently_.

“I-If you’re feeling hot, then I suppose a little is...fine...” Aah, Hinata hated when he got this nervous. It made his voice disgustingly high-pitched. Komaeda, saint he is, didn’t remark on that and instead looked so gracious as he _pulls out of his blazer_ —

It’s not that weird. It’s not even obscene. Yes, he’s seen Komaeda naked before but shedding the outer layers of these stupid stuffy uniforms is a perfectly normal thing to do—! He shouldn’t be covering his eyes!

“Just this much,” Komaeda murmured, and Hinata does sneak another glance between his figures to note that Komaeda’s just dressed in the shirt and slacks. There are a few buttons undone, no big deal, even less of a deal when Komaeda’s loosening his tie... “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, after all.”

“It’s fine.” He responded immediately, cheeks hot with embarrassment at himself. “I-I mean... It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, right?”

“It’s not more unsightly the second time, right?” Komaeda chirped.

“Not at all.” Ah. Fuck. He didn’t even think before saying that. Biting his lip, he had no choice but to roll with it. “Y...You look fine.”

_He looks more than fine, actually. Komaeda’s not a girl, but...he’s pretty. He’s really fucking pretty._

Hinata needed to screw his head on straight. He really needed to get back to heating up some damn food, especially with his mouth as dry as it was now.

_Looks aside, he has such a nice personality, too. He’s patient, considerate, easy-going... It’s so shitty of me to distance myself from him just because of the nasty things other people say about him. It’s not true. None of it is true. Before was a misunderstanding, and he never pushed me... He’s never been anything but complimentary._

Sure, Komaeda had some choice things to say about the main course, but—wasn’t he right, in a way? Like what was so great about being talented beyond the fact that you got special treatment? He didn’t know the other Ultimates, but Izuru... He’s lived with Izuru his entire life, and he knows Izuru’s a piece of work. Cold, apathetic, condescending, and pushy—Izuru was Komaeda’s opposite in every way.

_Even physically... That said..._

While so people are awful to Komaeda, they always fawn over Izuru. How fucked up that is.

_Everyone really does love Izuru. They adore him, admire him, idolize him. When that guy is just the **worst**. They’re so, so **stupid**. We both deserve better, Komaeda._

“Such a serious face...”

Komaeda was suddenly way too close, making him jump.

“D-Don’t do that!”

“Ehehe, sorryyy.” Komaeda giggled, not the slightest bit apologetic, but he comes close again, and Hinata can’t bring himself to push the other away. It wasn’t like this proximity was unpleasant, it hadn’t been before... “When you make a face that dour, I worry you’re going to give yourself wrinkles.”

“It’s...fine...” Hinata leans from him, stumbling to punch in the numbers for the microwave. “Y-You don’t have to worry. If anyone should be worried about the other’s appearance, it should be me. You’re...really pale.”

“I’m a bit sickly,” Komaeda admitted, a tad sheepish. “Some unfortunate genetics, really.”

_His brother’s pale, too. Izuru’s also pale, but that’s just because he stays inside so much. Often in the dark. The creep._

“If you need me to do anything for you, I will,” he found himself saying, tentatively patting Komaeda’s shoulder. _God_ , it was thin. He almost wanted to wrap his fingers around it and squeeze. “We’re friends, right?”

“Friends,” Komaeda agrees, taking his hand. Gently. He really was frail. “Thank you, Hinata-kun.”

_Someone like this... He likes me. He wants to be close. I... I want him close, too._

“It’s nothing.” They were friends. Friends, friends, friends. So, what was wrong with being close? Komaeda wasn’t going to do anything, after all. Their classmates didn’t know shit, although some of them _did_ know, didn’t they, how Komaeda’s skin was a bit chilled. How his touch was delicate. How pink his lips were when close up. They must have known what it was like to go all the way with him—and were they even gentle, considering how frail he was? “Komaeda...”

_Thinking about it pisses me off. It shouldn’t be any of my business, but Komaeda’s my friend._

“Another serious face!” Komaeda exclaimed and then pinched his nose. “You’re going to be a wrinkly old man before you reach twenty.”

Before Hinata could protest, Komaeda pinched his cheek next.

“H- _Hey_ —!”

“So serious,” Komaeda cooed. “Too serious. You need to relax. I’m going to do fine on the exam. I always do. The reason why I’m here is because I like spending time with you.”

**_Ba-dump._ **

“Y-You...” Swallowing, Hinata lightly brushed off his hand. “You didn’t have to do that. We’re friends, right? We don’t need an excuse to hang out.”

“You’re so cute,” Komaeda said, sighing. “It’s painful.”

If possible, Hinata’s sure his face would’ve been steaming.

“Wha...”

Two things happen at once. The microwave going off and a knock at the door.

“Oh, you can get that,” Komaeda chirped, pulling away. “I can set up the table...or do you want me to hide?”

“No, that’s unnecessary,” Hinata said instinctively before catching his breath and struggling to keep himself steady. “You can just...start eating. Help yourself. It’s no big deal, it’s just...”

_There’s only one person who’d visit me._

“It’s just my brother.”

Unsurprisingly, as were most things with Izuru—this was the beginning of the end.

* * *

His heart is pounding loudly in his ears, and he’s doing everything he can to not throw up before he even makes it to the door. He has half a mind to ignore it, to hide away in his room with Komaeda—but showing that kind of cowardice is too much even for him.

_Komaeda—god, why the fuck did he have to visit when Komaeda was over?!_

Komaeda had worried so much about him. Frowning and asking if he was alright. He still feels Komaeda’s worried stare on him even through the bedroom door—and it’s fine. He can do this.

All he has to do is answer the door and tell Izuru that he’s busy helping out a classmate.

_But, when Komaeda sees him..._

He has to grip his hand to keep it from shaking. He takes a deep breath. He opens the door.

_What’s going to happen?_

“Good afternoon, Hajime.”

Izuru stands before him, ever the menacing presence even when holding up a container. It’s kusamochi from the looks of things, and Hajime does relax a little. Rather pathetically, he is grateful when Izuru brings him mochi. He knows it’s just a lazy peace offering, but his pride isn’t so swollen that he isn’t going to eat and enjoy it.

“Did the Ultimate Chef make this?” he asked warily. “It’s safe, right?”

**_Fuck_ ** _, what am I doing?_

“It is store-bou—”

“I-I’m a bit busy right now!” Hinata remembered to burst out with. “I’m... I’m helping someone study. So, whatever it is, it needs to be quick, yeah?”

“There is an extra pair of shoes,” Izuru points out as he steps inside. Hinata very nearly flinches back as that shadowy figure brushes past. With the kind of familiarity only an overbearing brother could have, Izuru is the one who puts the kusamochi away in his fridge in the usual place. Second shelf, right in the center so that it’s immediately seen. Perfect for an impulse snack.

This kind of routine isn’t horrible in itself. If Komaeda hadn’t been there, Hinata might’ve even considered offering Izuru a drink or a rice cracker. But... Komaeda _is_ there. In _his_ room.

“I have a guest waiting,” he reminded the other, quietly but firmly. “Sorry, but I can’t chat right now.”

_Not that you ever have much to say._

Even now, Izuru tosses him the dullest glance and it would’ve only stung more if tangible. Izuru’s piercing red gaze had only gotten more difficult to bear with time. Nothing, however, was worse than Izuru’s next words.

“If you are helping them study, I can lend my assistance as well.”

“T-That...” Heart slamming in his chest, he tries to keep his head up and afloat lest he drown in his superior brother’s stare. “That’s not necessary. I wouldn’t want...to bother you.”

“Your hands are smudged with ink,” Izuru remarks then. “You are pale and shaking. You only prepared a meal right when I arrived despite the hour.” The hour, the damning fucking hour earns a gesture from Izuru that makes Hinata duck miserably. “You have been having trouble with the subject. Kanji, judging by the amount of ink and graphite.”

**_Ah..._ **

He shamefully thinks of Komaeda struggling to write, thinks of him struggling, struggling, struggling—until Izuru steps in. Takes his shoulder. Takes his hand. Guides him gracefully through the motions. Komaeda, who—

Komaeda who hated Hope’s Peak.

“Komaeda doesn’t want an Ultimate’s help.” Face flushed, Hinata snappily added, “So, thanks. But no thanks. We can work through this ourselves. We don’t—need you.”

Izuru blinks at him, and it’s the first time in so long that Izuru looks taken aback. Startled, even. Hinata’s chest swells with pride and affection, and for once, he thinks he can confront his brother with his chin high.

“Komaeda.”

It’s then that Hinata realizes what Izuru was surprised by.

“Komaeda _Meshi_?”

It was always so easy for Izuru to flip things around. To make him scramble back in panic and defeat just when things seemed to be going his way. It was a common chess strategy, wasn’t it? Build up confidence and assurance, and just wait for a mistake made in arrogance. Hinata made a mistake he didn’t even think possible.

_How the **fuck** —_

Izuru stepped closer to him, crimson stare overwhelming and suffocating.

**_Why is he curious?!_ **

“Is it alright if we meet?” Izuru asks, in a tone no one would dare deny. God, Hinata wanted to. He wanted to.

**_Why are you interested in him?_** He wanted to scream, to get frantic and hysterical, to shove at Izuru before he got crushed. _Why, why, **why** —he’s **not** yours to take!!!_

“Hajime?” Izuru inquires, and in that moment, Hinata is little more than the carp on the cutting board. “Is it alright?”

Even when they were kids—no, it was exactly like this when they were kids. He hated Izuru, he resented Izuru more than anything or anyone...but he can’t deny the guy when he gets like this. It’s such a special occasion, who is he to ruin it? That’s...how he usually justifies it to himself. Being a good brother. All that.

_Aha...god. This is..._

**_...so despairing..._ **

“Alright, Izuru.”

* * *

“Hinata-kun!” Komaeda, bless his fucking heart, is still visibly worried about him. “Your food’s getting cold!” He even gestures to the largely untouched cup of noodles. Komaeda’s own is only half picked at. Had Komaeda been too worried to eat? _God_. “Come on. Sit down.”

“I’m, ah...” He coughs into his hand, feeling sicker from Izuru’s presence, especially when pressed so close against his side, with such a stare directed at Komaeda. “Izuru wanted...to meet you.”

“Komaeda Meshi,” Izuru says. “You are friends with Hajime?”

“We’re friends.” Komaeda barely gives a second look, focused on Hinata. “Hinata-kun, are you alright?”

_He’s focused on me. Not Izuru. Me. This should make me euphoric._

“If you are not feeling well, you should sit,” Izuru murmurs into his ear. Robotically, Hinata can only obey. He sees Komaeda’s frown deepen, but even as Hinata plops down beside him, there might as well be an ocean between with how he can barely register it. Izuru sits across from them, hands folded and posture prim and proper.

Perfect fucking Izuru. It’s only a matter of time before he crushes all of them beneath a polished heel.

“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda nudges him lightly.

“I’m fine,” Hinata mutters because there’s nothing to be but resigned. He doesn’t even bother praying for the food, instead just snapping his chopsticks and getting to work. “Izuru wanted to meet you. Tell him why, Izuru, because this is a very special occurrence.”

Resentment leaks into his dead tone, but what does it matter? It _doesn’t_.

“It is nice to meet Hajime’s friend,” Izuru just says.

Komaeda’s response is a neutral hum.

“It’s nice to meet Hinata-kun’s brother, I suppose,” is what he adds, light and airy. “You do have quite the presence, I admit. Ultimate Hope, was it?”

Komaeda, bless his heart, smiled with thinly veiled disdain. Even in this hopeless state, Hinata adores him for it.

“Are you concerned with the friends that Hajime makes?” Komaeda asks next. “Is it overprotectiveness? Or simple disapproval? I’m used to that reaction. I assure you, I’m not such an unsavory person that I would get close to those I wish harm. That said, if you’re really so talented, you should be able to discern my motivations and know this about me already.” Before Izuru can so much as open his mouth, Komaeda continues rapidly. “But, as a fellow brother, I can understand the former quite well. Tell me—how is my Nagito doing in your class? Isn’t he such a darling? If I take care of Hinata-kun, can you be trusted to look out for Nagito? After all, he’s my _only_ family.”

“Yes,” Izuru said softly. “I am aware.”

_He’s aware?_

When Hinata dares to look at Komaeda, he realizes that the other’s expression is almost stricken. Pained. Hinata blinks, instinctively reaching out for the other’s hand—except he comes into contact with Komaeda’s prosthetic, thus it goes unnoticed at first.

“I will take care of Nagito,” Izuru reiterates. “He is, after all, quite frail. He has not only low stamina but also an iron deficiency. I am working on adjusting his diet as we speak.”

“My, my,” Komaeda sighs, the wind taken out of his sails. “That’s actually nice to hear, even if it’s coming from an Ultimate...”

_How did things turn out like this?_

“Nagito has informed me of your opinion on the matter,” Izuru goes on, and Hinata can feel Komaeda’s flinch. “He speaks of you often and fondly, even if he regrets the...unfortunate circumstances as he says.”

“Ahaha. I’m aware. I’m just...” Komaeda’s gaze flickers about before landing on Hinata’s hand on his mechanic wrist. “It’s a nice coincidence things turned out like this. We understand one another’s feelings perfectly well, then.”

_I can’t stand this._

“Yes,” Izuru agreed. “I am glad.”

As per usual, Izuru expresses that in the flattest tone imaginable. Komaeda does smile, and Hinata immediately feels his chest tighten.

_Don’t—look like that. I didn’t even want you to have to **acknowledge** Izuru. I didn’t want this._

“Please keep assisting Nagito in whatever way you can,” Komaeda says. “My baby brother’s as soft as he is sweet. He really quite needs friends, especially in this environment.”

“Friends,” Izuru repeats, and Hinata hates the way he says it. He especially _hates_ the way he looks at Komaeda—“Please continue being a friend to Hajime.”

_Get away from him. I finally, fucking finally found someone who likes me over you. What the hell gives you the goddamn right to speak to him like this? And using Komaeda’s brother at that—!_

“Oh, I will,” Komaeda says so easily that it’s almost nauseating. “Hinata-kun is...”

**_Are you trying to take him away from me?! Is it that difficult for me to have something that you don’t?! Why, god, fucking,_ why _—_**

Komaeda’s hand is now atop his own. Squeezing. Warm and soft. Silencing those thoughts so _easily_. Komaeda is smiling at him now, only at him.

“Hinata-kun’s my precious friend.”

“I...” Hinata very barely keeps himself from bursting into instant tears. His face feels hot, but in a way that isn’t torturous like before. “I feel...the same way...”

“I am glad,” Izuru’s deadpanned tone cuts through, and it stings. It definitely stings to have his smug-ass brother sound that unimpressed and disinterested, but—Komaeda is still looking at him. Still focused on him. Still smiling at him like he was the only guy in the room. It almost doesn’t even matter that Izuru’s there, except... Izuru is still there. “That is what I wanted to meet with you to discuss.”

“Is that it?” Komaeda asks cheekily, running his fingers over Hinata’s knuckles. It makes him shudder, almost dizzy with the favoritism he’s never gotten before. Especially not when Izuru was right _there_. “It was nice talking with you, Izuru-kun. I’ll continue taking care of Hinata-kun to the best of my ability. We are friends, after all.”

“Friends,” Hinata agreed, nodding. “Yeah. Don’t worry, Izuru.”

_Even if it’s you, even if you’re always going to matter most—I’m not giving up Komaeda. He likes **me**._

“I am glad you have a friend now, Hajime,” Izuru says in that most condescending tone of his. He gives a little nod, and it’s—it’s fine. With Komaeda by his side, he can take this whole thing in stride. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Izuru,” Hinata says back. “Don’t let the other guys expect too much of you.”

Izuru nods again, and he stands.

“See you, Hajime. Meshi.”

Hinata stiffened.

“See you, Izuru-kun,” Komaeda—Meshi replies sweetly. “Have a nice day.”

Just like that, Izuru still leaves victorious. Just shut the door behind him, elegantly crunching Hinata’s ego under his shoes.

“Hinata-kun?”

“...we’re friends,” Hinata finds himself saying. “Since—since we’re friends, it’s alright to use first names...right?”

“Huh? Oh. Of course. Of course it’s alright.” Komaeda takes his hand once more, squeezing and adoring. “Hajime-kun.”

Hinata immediately gets so flustered that he forgets what the hell he was even thinking.

“Urk—! Y-You...” He swallowed, rubbing furiously at his nape. “Geez, you’re so carefree. I envy that. I really do. Ah...” He doesn’t want to pull away, even if it’s embarrassing. “Um... M... Meshi...was it?”

_It has a weird taste, but...it’s not bad. It’s not bad to say at all._

“ _Yeeeeees_ , Hajime-kun?” Meshi has his hand cupping his cheek, both of them rosy and puffy as he speaks in an overly saccharine tone. It’s shameless enough that Hinata can’t help but snort. Laugh, even, at the ridiculousness of it all.

_Just like that, my worries recede. But, like a rising tide, it all comes rushing back when I think of Izuru._

“You do look exhausted,” Meshi said, then, smile fading, overcast by Izuru’s shadow. “So, that was your brother, huh. He’s different from you.”

“Yeah...” Hinata shrugged helplessly. “He is...”

“I still like you way more,” Meshi informed him, cheerful and simple as always.

**_Ba-dump._ **

Then and there, Hinata thought about keeping him forever.

“I like you a lot, too...” He manages a wobbly grin. “Thanks, Meshi. Really.”

Komaeda Meshi’s smile is positively brilliant. It’s a light he wants to shield from Izuru as much as he can. And he damn near resolves to himself to do just that.


	5. Haywire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The older twin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quicker update than usual. It also took like, a day to write.
> 
> This is the first chapter from Meshi's POV. Should the next one also be from Meshi's POV?

Once upon a time, there was a pair of twin boys born at the beginning of the year.

One was bright and cheerful like the sun. The other was aloof and reserved like the moon. They were total opposites and yet, they existed apart from others and inhabited a world that was solely their own. It was believed by everyone including themselves that no one would understand them as much as they understood each other.

However, was that really true?

As time passed, people noticed the beauty and splendor of the reserved moon. It got to a point where the sun twin found himself eclipsed, lost in the shadow of the night as the people crooned and fawned. What happened to the sun twin in darkness?

Many terrible things can happen in darkness.

* * *

There were four worst days of his life. The first had been when their parents were killed. The second had been when Nagito ran away from home. The third had been the kidnapping. The fourth had been when Nagito received his invite from Hope’s Peak.

And after he had just _trashed_ the one he got without Nagito noticing. He wanted to take Nagito’s invite and tear it to shreds. He wanted that so, so, so badly, but Nagito looked at him with the brightest smile. One he hadn’t worn since after the kidnapping, when he watched the former Ultimate Student Council President give a big, boisterous speech. But, even with that...

“You’re not really thinking of going, are you?”

“Y-You’re right!” His precious baby brother gasped. “I wouldn’t belong at all! Luck isn’t...really a talent. And did you hear they had to run the lottery twice?! Can something so fickle really be trusted?!”

“That’s not what I...” He stopped himself. He swallowed. “Nagito, if anyone’s a symbol of hope, it’s you.”

“Don’t say something so sacrilegious!” Nagito looked almost scandalized, but he was quick to laugh off that remark as if it were nothing more than a bad joke. “Although—I definitely think that you should be the one to go, Meshi-nii.” It’s one of those rare moments that Nagito lets his face fall, that he’s open with his discontentment. It’s heartbreaking. “I can’t believe I got chosen over you...”

“That’s! Because!” Because he can’t stand it, he shoves his fingers under Nagito’s armpit and tickles him relentlessly. Nagito predictably squeals over him as he shouts, “You’re the cutest-wutest, fluffiest-wuffiest, sweetest most precious and perfect baby-waby twin! You should be picked a thousand times oveeeeeer!!”

“M-M-Meshi-nii, stoooop! Stop, stop, stop! Hahaha!”

On the fourth of the four worst days of his life, Nagito ends up accepting his embrace. Nagito then asks him, “We should ask them if they can accept you, too. If they’re really serious about luck as a talent, then...there’s no reason for them to not to...”

He laughs that off like how Nagito had earlier, but...

He really thought he’d be rejected without a second thought.

Imagine his surprise when he wasn’t.

“So, both of you have luck, right? Interesting.” Headmaster Kirigiri Jin grins at them, eyes bright with excitement and expectation. It’s almost like a proud father. “That’s very, very interesting.”

The scout stands by, humming curiously with a similar smile.

Nagito bashfully ducks his head, but he, too, looks at Meshi with sparkling anticipation. He’s happy. This must be the happiest day of his baby brother’s life. It’s heartrending. It’s not supposed to be like this.

Hope’s Peak Academy kept finding new ways to be an utter disappointment.

“We can figure something out,” the headmaster was saying. “If your luck truly is significant as your brother claims...”

“I’m sorry.” It’s the first time that he’s ever refused his brother’s wishes, and he’s so despicable that he can’t even look his brother in the eye as he does. “Actually, I—I have no intention of being an Ultimate.”

“Eh...?” He doesn’t look, but he can feel Nagito recoil. So much so that Nagito would’ve pulled away if not for Meshi’s grip on his hand. “Meshi-nii, what are you _saying_?”

Indeed. Both the headmaster and the scout look taken aback. Meshi wants to scowl.

_Not so used to rejection, are you? The worst types._

He doesn’t scowl. He just smiles and shows his teeth.

“Nagito won the lottery,” he says. “Nagito is the Ultimate Luck. We’ve been together all our lives, and I’m sure you can take good care of him. Of course, I’m all too happy to stay close by his side. I’m sorry. Thank you for your consideration—but I had already made up my mind.”

“M-Meshi-nii,” Nagito is pleading. Nagito is gripping his hand back, and he’s pleading. “How am I supposed to leave you alone?”

“I’ll still attend Hope’s Peak Academy,” he goes on, and he finally manages to look at the person he’d give the world for. “But only as a reserve.”

And Nagito had looked back at him as if he had personally thrown his heart to the ground and stomped it into little tiny bits.

Needless to say, it turned into the first argument they ever had.

* * *

In the end, the headmaster offers to give Nagito a tour. Though Nagito is upset with him, and though Nagito still clearly looks towards him with longing and a clear desire to try once more to sway him... Well, his Nagito had been starstruck for years. Obviously, he wouldn’t reject the headmaster of Hope’s Peak for long.

Thus, Meshi is entrusted to the scout for now. The scout who just smiles down at him, offers to show him to his dorm at the reserve course, and it isn’t until Nagito and the headmaster are gone that the scout can’t help himself.

“And here I thought you were just a martyr,” is drawled at Meshi’s back. Meshi does not pause for a second as they walk even as the scout catches up with him. “You’re quite surprising, Komaeda Meshi-kun.”

He’ll never forget the way the scout leered at him. There was clear interest, but also—a hint of melancholy. Meshi supposes he could relate, but given the amount of contempt he holds for the scout, the headmaster, and everything the two of them stood for, he’d rather avoid feeling any amount of empathy.

They’re alone. There are many scenarios for this situation to go, but the scout just tilts his hat. As if trying to dispel all the most unpleasant possibilities.

“Jin doesn’t want to include you simply for your brother’s sake,” the scout explains. “After all—you did win the lottery fair and square.”

“What are you talking about?” Meshi smiles, glaring. “Nagito won the one that _counted_.”

“You’re serious about the reserve course?” the scout prods next. “You know—it’s gonna be a bit of a nasty crowd.”

“And you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, sir?” he asked sweetly. They reach the dorms, and he let his smile drop. “I made up my mind. So, please don’t approach me ever again.”

* * *

The funny thing was that the reserve course had been more unpleasant than he expected. From his first step past the gate, the gloominess and malcontent made itself known. From the sunken heads to the pitch black uniforms, it was a purgatory of pipe dreams and despairing desperation. Even when Meshi opened his mouth to converse, it was difficult to get anyone’s attention for long.

In the beginning, a lot of these fools probably thought that they had a real chance of getting into the main course. For that reason, he kept to himself. Not quite ashamed of his situation, but uncomfortable about how this put him at odds with them. And, of course, he didn’t even have Nagito.

The malaise was enough to get him just indifferently waiting for time to pass. There was one and only one time that he perked up.

“I’d like to nominate myself for the position of class representative.”

A trembling hand raised, and the classmate who raised it had the reddest cheeks. Despite that, the glimmer in his hazel gaze was a resolute one. The kind he usually saw in Nagito.

“Alright, Hinata-kun,” the teacher said tiredly. “Anyone else?”

Everyone else regarded this Hinata-kun with disdain, and though he visibly hunched in on himself, he gripped his other hand viciously. He was still shaking, but that determination remained. And he held his head up higher when no one else bothered to compete.

“Guess that settles it,” the teacher had muttered. Settled it. As if this was nothing more than a bothersome routine they couldn’t wait to get through. For the rest of the class, that had been the case—but Hinata-kun took a deep breath as if relieved.

He raises his fists, squeezing them like it had been an accomplishment. A step.

_Oh,_ Meshi couldn’t help but think. _Cute._

* * *

Their newly-appointed ‘class rep’ had been so cute that Meshi couldn’t stop thinking about him. Even in the most inappropriate of times—like, say, when someone else is mouthing at his neck.

“You seem distracted,” is murmured into his jaw, and Meshi smiles at the other. “You’re supposed to be focused on _me_.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he chirps. He giggles even as he’s groped quite ruthlessly. “I just have a lot on my mind. Something happened. I’m not going to tell you what it is...”

_It is tacky to think about him, now. If I do—_

“But how about I let you distract me from it?”

_I’ll just be lost in how empty I am._

* * *

Because of that emptiness, approaching Hinata-kun had been difficult.

Hinata-kun avoided most of their classmates, after all, so it would draw _attention_ to approach him. The kind of attention that Meshi didn’t want to burden him with.

His desk had already been scribbled on. Apparently one of the boys he slept with had a girlfriend here. He hadn’t known that, but he should’ve suspected it.

The class seemed to regard Hinata-kun coldly. The class representative didn’t get any respect at all. Hinata-kun regarded others with irritation and disdain in return, but he still managed his duties well enough. He wore the armband with some semblance of pride, and he held his head up when talking to others.

Just like every other reserve, Hinata-kun stunk of a desperate sense of self-importance. Just like everyone else, he studied furiously. Meshi could only watch for afar, waiting for the right opportunity, before having to scurry away lest he was seen by anyone else.

“Komaeda.”

While leaving the library, he’s cornered.

“Are you free tonight?”

He’s cornered by someone so heartbreakingly desperate that he can only give up.

“It’s fine,” he says, to this poor boy and to himself. “It’s absolutely fine. Let’s meet.”

He couldn’t even attempt to approach Hinata-kun the next day either because he misjudged things.

“Embarrassing,” he sighs at his reflection, tenderly touching the bruise on his neck. “They’ve been getting rougher lately. I might have to stop sleeping around. What if Nagito _sees_?”

His face twists up at the thought, and he can’t help but think that Nagito would make an even worse expression.

_Although,_ he thought coldly and sardonically. _His reaction would be much worse if he found out I was crushing on one of them._

* * *

Soon after, he gets water dumped on him. He doesn’t see who. He doesn’t really care. It’s fine. What’s a little less fine is when he’s deliberately tripped. He hits the ground, and his classmates just walk around. It’s less fine, but it’s unsurprising. As much as he feels for his classmates, he knows they don’t really feel anything for him in return.

That’s fine. He understands. All he can really do is support them silently. Support them silently as he quietly pushes himself up. Someone steps on his prosthetic hand. It was likely intentional with how much force that foot is brought down. But just as he lifts his stare, that person has already run off.

His prosthetic isn’t even damaged, but he goes to the nurse’s office to rest anyway.

The opportunity arrives soon after.

“Ah, is the bed already taken?”

Meshi’s eyes snap open. By the time he steals a glance, Hinata-kun has already turned on his heel with a sigh.

“Guess I’ll come back later.”

The words don’t come at all, even after Hinata-kun walks out.

* * *

He couldn’t say anything to Hinata-kun back then, but his classmates said more and more about him. They wrote more and more about him, too. He never managed to even start a conversation with Hinata-kun in all this time, but he has no doubt that Hinata-kun has heard about him.

“Komaeda-kun.”

Even the teacher seems nervous to approach him, although that’s for other reasons. Namely the small folded up note that the teacher shakily holds out to him.

“Kizakura-san...wanted me to give you this.”

Just like with every proposition, Meshi does accept it with a smile. But, because he’s in a spiteful mood, he throws it away at the first opportunity. He doesn’t have to do it in front of the teacher. The teacher no doubt suspects it already. He can practically feel the seething contempt that grows in the way the teacher watches him go.

If he ends up with missing shoes or tacks in his seat, it is what it is. It is what it is until there’s an accident and someone has to be hospitalized. He does watch Hinata-kun gather up the schoolwork for that poor person, and he waits and waits for the guilt to consume him.

It never does.

* * *

“My class really is wonderful, Meshi-nii!” Nagito exclaims. “They’re incredibly spirited! Just today, Nidai-kun and Owari-san managed to destroy the hallway!”

Nagito’s arm is bandaged. Apparently, it was an accident.

“Hanamura-kun made everyone meals! It was so delicious! It tasted like hope!”

Nagito’s cheeks are sunken. Apparently, he had a stomach bug.

“Mioda-san threw a concert! It was quite—distinct! I have a CD if you want to listen... Although...”

He does listen. It’s awful, awful noise.

“Meshi-nii, did you know? One of my classmates—he’s the Ultimate _Hope_. Isn’t that amazing?”

Nagito lights up when talking about this person.

Whoever they are, Meshi hates them.

“Are you sure...you don’t want to join our class?” Nagito is pleading. “Kamukura-kun is really interested in meeting you...”

“I like my class, Nagito. I can’t _imagine_ leaving them!”

It’s the first time he’s lied to Nagito’s face in a long, long time. He waits and waits for the guilt to consume him, but it never does.

For quite a while, he doesn’t feel anything at all.

* * *

Because of that—he might have been overzealous when he and Hinata-kun did properly meet. So much so that he really got Hinata-kun to _run away_... He’s so embarrassed from all of this that he could just _die_.

_Hinata-kun really just—just ran away!_

“What went wrong?” he asked himself, and the ceiling had no answers. “How did someone like me misread that kind of situation? Aaah...!”

He can’t help but cover his face, running his hand down.

_“There was a total miscommunication,”_ Hinata-kun had stammered out before fleeing. No—before wrapping Meshi up in his blazer and then fleeing. That blazer was still around his shoulders, so he slid his arms through the sleeves.

It was baggy on him, but also warm. He’s worn another guy’s shirt before many, many times—but his heart’s still pounding as he sniffs at the cuffs.

_No, I was fairly clear. Hinata-kun just misunderstood somehow. Did he think I meant...literal sleeping? Is that it? But, that’s..._

“That’s actually not normal, Hinata-kun...” He snorted, unable to hold back another laugh. “T-That’s not normal! No way is that normal! Hahaha! Hinata-kun, you’re not only stupid, you’re strange—! That’s so cute! That’s just way too cute!”

Aah, his heart really is racing, especially as he nuzzles into the blazer’s sleeves.

“To think that serious Hinata-kun was so simple-minded... Oh, it really was a shame we couldn’t do anything. He’d be a really considerate lover, I’m sure of it. Especially since...” He does wrap the blazer tighter around himself. He can’t help but squirm. “M- _Mmm_...”

_If we had slept together then and there... I wonder what would have happened? Realistically, it would have been as significant as every other relationship I’ve been in. It’s probably for the better that Hinata-kun rejected me, but I would’ve liked waking up to his face..._

Although. _Oh_.

“I can still see him at class!” He only realized that now. Oh, dear, was Hinata-kun’s simplicity rubbing off on him? The idea made him giddy. “Ehehehe...”

_I can’t help but look forward to it. Hinata-kun..._

For the briefest moment, he had known what Hinata-kun’s warmth was like. The memory brought color to his cheeks.

“Ah,” he inhaled sharply the scent of pine and chestnuts. “Oh, no.”

**_He’s absolutely my type._ **

* * *

In another place at a different time, two lucky twin boys were born. Similar to the sun and moon twins, they inhabited a world that was solely their own, but only because the two of them had been rejected from the start. While that was painful, it did not matter to the older twin, who would have been happy with just the love the two of them shared.

However, the younger twin still reached for something brighter beyond the horizon. Before he even realized, that sweet, precious, fluffy baby brother of his had taken flight into the cruel and unyielding sky. Aiming for the top of the highest, most treacherous peak in search of brightness. The older twin could only follow.

After all, he loved, loved, loved his brother. More, more, more than anything. If not for one another, they both would have had nothing.

The older twin could only follow—however he could only go so far, for the radiance the younger twin sought was so disgustingly blinding and contemptuously striking. It was a radiance that was nothing more than an inferno, spiraling and disastrous.

The older twin turned back. Back, back, back to the darkness that the younger twin disdained and spurned, the older twin found himself alone.

Alone, until he met the sun twin.

What happened to the older twin next?


End file.
